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Not too long ago, we found ourselves with a group of newly-out and some not-yet-out women. If you are unsure, "out" is commonly used for someone who has made theirLGBTQIA+ status known to family, friends, and/or colleagues. It's someone living openly or partly openly as lesbian, gay, queer, pan, bi, trans or non-binary.
Anyway, also amid this group of women was a woman with a firmly established lesbian identity. Her friends & family know about her sexual preferences, as do her boss and colleagues. She lives and works in London, surrounded by fabulous lesbian friends. She is living her best life, and one could possibly argue that this makes her somewhat privileged. At this event, the established lesbian woman had an excellent opportunity to be a source of information, sharing her knowledge of the hottest lez bars, communities and queer-friendly shops. She could even have made some new friends!
But this is not what she did. Instead, she slammed the group of newly-out and not-yet-out women, shaming them for being inexperienced newbies.
This upset us.
We have met so many women who have come out in their later years, and it's not unusual for these women to apologise for their "late" awakening.
Let's think about that for a moment. Women apologise for not having been out & proud for their whole lives. As if it's somehow shameful to discover or accept your true self once you've passed your 30s...
Evolving Sexual Desire
As we evolve and grow, so do our desires.
Desire can and does change. Perhaps you've always been attracted to men, but one day another woman's smile unexpectedly makes your heart beat faster. Or the other way around - maybe you've been a proud carrier of a lesbian gold card all your life, but then a fit fella catches your eye... Everything changes. It happens. And it doesn't mean that your experience is "less" or not as valid.
Sexuality Is Fluid
At Sh!, we know that sexuality is fluid and celebrate all flavours. Sometimes it is about gender. Other times it's about an individual. Perhaps a person is unsure about their preferences, or maybe they have just started to come to terms with their sexuality. Or, it may be unsafe for them to be openly gay. Any variations of those (and many more) apply - none of us has the right to judge or shame someone for not being as open, out and living as authentically as we may be.
For Pride and beyond, don't throw shade on the person standing next to you. Instead, let's celebrate all the shades and flavours that make us different and unique.
