If you’re dipping your toes - or should we say your hips - into the delicious world of strap-on play, welcome! You’re in for a treat! But we get it: choosing the right dildo can feel a bit overwhelming, especially if it’s your first foray into dildo fun. So many shapes, so many sizes… Where does a gal begin?

Whether you’re the giver, receiver, or a happy switch-hitter, finding a dildo that suits your body, desires, and strap-on adventures can make all the difference between “meh” and mind-blown. And while we absolutely believe pleasure is personal, we also know there are some solid tips to help you avoid rookie regrets - like splurging on a dildo that looks dreamy online but ends up gathering dust because it’s just too much IRL.

So, before you click “add to basket,” let’s break it down: length, girth, and why sometimes less is more. We’ll also share insider tips for making your strap-on sessions smoother, sexier, and more satisfying - no matter your experience level.

Ready to dive in? Lube up, babes - we’re just getting started!

Choosing the Right Size Dildo

When it comes to choosing a dildo, the instinct might be to go big or go home, but allow us to gently (and lovingly) suggest that maybe don’t.

Believe it or not, the length of a dildo isn’t the most important factor in strap-on play - the girth is crucial for delivering toe-curling, body-melting pleasure.

Here’s the thing: treating yourself to a gorgeous new dildo only to discover it’s way too wide for comfort is a genuine buzzkill. That toy will likely end up consigned to the shadowy depths of your drawer, joining the lonely collection of “looked-good-on-paper” sex toys you never quite clicked with. (Don’t worry, we all have them.)

So, if choosing between a chubbier model and a more modestly sized shaft, our golden rule is to go for the slimmer dildo first. You can always size up later if you're craving a fuller feeling. Starting small means you’re more likely to enjoy the ride from the beginning (and avoid any “ouch!” moments).

At Sh!, we put real thought into our toy designs because we know you put real thought into your pleasure. That’s why most of our handmade silicone dildos come in two widths: a slimline version for gentle, gliding ease and a wider version for those who enjoy more stretch and pressure.

Let’s take our beloved Cupid silicone dildos - best-sellers for good reason. Whether you’re looking for something subtle and beginner-friendly or want a little extra“oomph” for those deeper thrusts, Cupid’s got your back (and your front).

Pro Tip: Leaving someone wanting more is a whole lot better than trying to fill a small orifice with something

Different-length dildos lend themselves to different positions in lesbian strap-on play.

Different-length dildos lend themselves to different kinds of strap-on fun, and when it comes to slow, intimate, super-connected grinding? Shorter dildos really shine.

Why? Because in grinding strap-on sex, you’re not thrusting in and out—you’re staying close, moving together in a delicious rhythm where the focus is on pressure, friction, and connection. A shorter dildo (we’re talking about four inches or so) means that the whole shaft stays nestled inside her throughout, creating constant contact and no annoying slipping out mid-grind. The pleasure stays steady, and the focus is on building that slow, smouldering heat together.

One of our favourite grinding positions is when the receiving partner straddles the giver - her thighs wrapped around you, hips moving in slow circles, breathing syncing, lips brushing. You can kiss, touch, whisper sweet (or filthy!) nothings, and enjoy every inch of closeness.

Or flip things around: if the receiver is facing away, she can grind down in a lapdance-style position, giving the giver an unforgettable view while rocking herself to bliss. The shorter dildo ensures she can go to town without worrying about over-penetration or discomfort - it’s all about control, pressure, and being in tune with each other’s rhythm.

Short dildos are perfect for these kinds of connected moments. They allow you to stay skin-to-skin, body-to-body, without frantic thrusting. It’s pure pleasure.

While shorter dildos are the queens of close-contact grinding, longer dildos absolutely rule when it comes to that classic in-and-out thrusting motion during strap-on play. If your play style is more about rhythm, movement, and the delicious anticipation of every stroke, a longer shaft is your best friend.

Longer Dildos Are Best For Thrusting

A dildo that’s six inches or longer is ideal for this kind of thrusting. Why? Because that extra length gives you more control and range of motion. When you're pulling back for a deeper thrust or picking up the pace, a long dildo helps prevent those unintentional “pop-outs” that can happen. Trust us - it can happen to even the most experienced strap-on lovers, and while it’s not the end of the world, having to readjust every time you get into your groove is a mood killer.

With a long dildo, you get reliable re-entry, a smoother rhythm, and a more satisfying stroke. It’s especially great for positions where you’ve got a bit of space between bodies, like doggy style, missionary with legs lifted, or standing strap-on play where depth and reach make all the difference.

And -let's not forget that out-stroke moment - when the dildo glides out almost to the tip, building that exquisite tension before sliding back in again. That movement is where longer dildos truly come into their own. The extra length adds a layer of delight that isn’t the same with a shorter shaft.

So if you're dreaming of long, luxurious strokes, hard and fast pounding, or anything in between, go for a dildo that gives you room to play.

Tips For Lesbian Strap-On Dildo Play

One of our favourite tips - especially for those new to strap-on play - is to form a ring with your thumb and forefinger around the base of the dildo while you’re wearing your harness. This might sound simple, but it’s surprisingly effective (and sexy AF).

As you slide the dildo through your hand and into your lover, that ring becomes a control point. It lets you feel how far you're thrusting in and helps guide your strokes with more intention. You stay connected to the rhythm, and your aim stays on point. It’s a way of feeling the movement, even when the toy is doing the work.

There’s also something incredibly erotic about being that physically engaged - feeling the slickness of lube or arousal, the warmth of the shaft as it moves in and out of her, the delicious resistance of her body. It’s a very hands-on way of saying, I'm right here with you.

Bonus pleasure points: the ring you’ve formed at the base of the dildo can press directly against her clitoris as you thrust, adding external stimulation to every single stroke. Think of it as a clit-kiss with every move.

Need to adjust the depth? No problem. You can easily reduce the penetrative length by adding extra fingers to your ring - two, three, even all four. This gives you the power to deliver short, shallow thrusts that tease and tantalise. And since most of the vagina’s most sensitive nerve endings are around the entrance, you’re likely to hear purrsof approval...

And if she starts murmuring "deeper..."? You can slide those fingers away, inch by delicious inch, and give her exactly what she’s asking for. All without breaking the rhythm or the connection. It’s strap-on sex that’s as mindful as it is mind-blowing!

One last word about 'Sex Toy Advice for Lesbians'

Let’s Talk About “Sex Toys for Lesbians” 💬

The phrase sex toys for lesbians often sparks criticism - and yes, we've been called out a few times! We welcome the conversation, but it might be helpful to explain what we mean.

Sh! has a wonderful, diverse community of customers, including a large percentage of lesbian women - Sh! is an LGBT biz, after all. When a customer asks for “sex toys for lesbians,” our job is to help them find what they’re looking for. That could be products designed by and for lesbians, or products that WLW customers have told us they love.

It’s more about ensuring our customers feel seen, understood, and supported in their pleasure journey than it is about gender or sexual orientation.

Browse our best-selling dildos here.