Choosing the right size dildo for lesbian strap-on play can make the difference between feeling awkward and feeling absolutely incredible. Whether you’re brand new to strap-ons or looking to level up your play, size really does matter - just not in the way porn would have you believe.

In this guide, we’ll break down how length, girth and play style affect comfort and pleasure, so you can choose a strap-on dildo that suits your body, your desires, and the kind of sex you actually want to have. No pressure, no performance myths - just practical, pleasure-led advice designed by women, for women.

How to Choose the Right Size Dildo for Strap-On Play

If you’re dipping your toes – or should we say your hips – into the delicious world of strap-on play, welcome. You’re in for a treat.

That said, choosing the right dildo can feel a little overwhelming, especially if it’s your first foray into strap-on fun. So many shapes. So many sizes. Where does a gal begin?

Whether you’re the giver, the receiver, or a happy switch-hitter, finding a dildo that suits your body, desires, and play style can make the difference between “that was fine” and “holy hell, do that again.”

And while pleasure is always personal, there are some tried-and-tested tips that can save you from rookie regrets – like splurging on a toy that looks dreamy online but ends up living at the bottom of a drawer because it’s just… too much IRL.

So before you click add to basket, let’s talk length, girth, and why sometimes less really is more.

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Choosing the Right Dildo Size

When it comes to strap-on dildos, the instinct can be go big or go home. But allow us to gently (and lovingly) suggest… maybe don’t.

Girth Matters More Than Length

Believe it or not, girth often matters more than length when it comes to comfort and pleasure.

A dildo that’s too wide can quickly turn excitement into discomfort – and that’s a one-way ticket to drawer exile. We’ve all been there.

Our golden rule:
If you’re choosing between a slimmer dildo and a chubbier one, start slim. You can always size up later if you find yourself craving more fullness. Starting smaller means more confidence, more control, and far fewer “ouch” moments.

At Sh!, we design our toys with real bodies – and real pleasure – in mind. That’s why many of our handmade silicone dildos come in two widths:

• Slimline – for gentle, gliding ease (perfect for beginners)

• Wider – for those who love more stretch and pressure

Take our much-loved Cupid silicone dildos, for example. Whether you want subtle and beginner-friendly or a little extra oomph, there’s a Cupid to match your mood.

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Shorter Dildos: Perfect for Grinding & Close Contact

Different dildo lengths lend themselves to different styles of strap-on play – and when it comes to slow, intimate, connected grinding, shorter dildos really shine.

Why? Because grinding isn’t about thrusting in and out. It’s about staying close, moving together, and building pleasure through pressure, friction, and rhythm.

A shorter dildo (around four inches) stays comfortably nestled inside throughout, meaning:

• No slipping out mid-grind

• Constant internal contact

• More focus on connection, less on repositioning

One of our favourite grinding positions is when the receiver straddles the giver – thighs wrapped around you, hips circling slowly, breathing in sync. Or flip it around for a lap-dance-style grind that delivers both control and an unforgettable view.

Short dildos keep things skin-to-skin, body-to-body, and deliciously intense without frantic thrusting. Think smouldering rather than pounding.

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Longer Dildos: Best for Thrusting

If your strap-on fantasies involve long, luxurious strokes, deeper thrusts, or a faster rhythm, a longer dildo is where it’s at.

A dildo six inches or longer gives you:

• Better range of motion

• Smoother re-entry

• Fewer accidental pop-outs (a real vibe-killer)

Longer dildos really come into their own in positions like doggy style, missionary with legs lifted, or standing strap-on play – anywhere depth and control matter.

And let’s not forget that delicious out-stroke moment – sliding almost to the tip before gliding back in again. That tension? Chef’s kiss.

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Strap-On Pro Tip: The Hand Ring Trick

Especially for beginners, this tip is a game-changer.

Form a ring with your thumb and forefinger around the base of the dildo while wearing your harness. As you thrust, that ring:

• Helps control depth

• Improves aim and rhythm

• Keeps you physically connected to the movement

Bonus pleasure points: that hand ring can press against her clitoris with every stroke, adding external stimulation to internal pleasure.

Want shallower thrusts? Add more fingers to shorten penetration.
Hearing a whispered “deeper…”? Slide them away slowly and give her exactly what she wants – without breaking the rhythm.

Mindful. Sexy. Devastatingly effective.

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A Note on “Sex Toy Advice for Lesbians”

The phrase sex toys for lesbians sometimes raises eyebrows – and we get it. But here’s what we mean.

Sh! is a proudly women-led, LGBT+ business, with a large community of lesbian and WLW customers. When someone searches for “sex toys for lesbians,” they’re usually looking for toys designed by women, loved by women, and recommended by people who actually use them.

Our goal isn’t to label pleasure – it’s to help people feel seen, understood, and supported in their choices.

And honestly? That’s sexy.