Ohnut: Give the Finger to Painful Penetrative Sex
What began as tears of frustration and a strawberry-glazed doughnut has blossomed into...
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Painful Sex & Vaginismus
Our collection of Painful Sex & Vaginismus chosen by women. This collection features products recommended (by us, and many sex therapists) for helping women move towards pain-free penetratiive sex. If you have been diagnosed with Vaginismus, please check with your doctor or therapist before making a purchase, just to make sure your chosen product is suitable for your treatment.
Painful Sex & Vaginismus FAQ's
There can be many reasons for painful sex.
1. Your body isn't yet ready for penetration:
- You need more lube.
- You need more build-up.
- Position is uncomfortable.
- Your partner's penis or the dildo is too big for you.
2. Something body-related:
- Infection, such as an STI or Thrush
- A tear in the delicate vaginal membranes
- Menopause - can cause vaginal thining and shrinking, leading to pain.
- Vaginismus - involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles, leading to pain.
We always recommend booking an appointment with a doctor or gynae to have pain checked out.
Around 75% of women experiencing painful sex at some point in their lives, and 10-20% find intercourse painful every time. How common is Vaginismus? At least 2 in 1,000 women & vulva-owners experience Vaginismus once in their lifetime. We think this figure is far higher...
If you regularly experience chronic vaginal or vulval pain during sex (that isn't sorted with more lube or smaller and gentler penetration), or if think you have Vaginismus, you should talk to a doctor. Self-diagnosing isn't advisable.
Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted.
Vaginismus can be overcome rather than 'cured.' In many cases, it's more about managing triggers/stressors. There is always a possibility that your Vaginismus can come back, so being aware of symptoms is crucial.
Well done for having come this far - many women put off seeking help for years, so you have done so well already :) Be kind to yourself and follow the advice you have been given by your health care team. It is possible to get (back) to a place where penetration is pleasurable and not painful. It's not a sprint - you have just entered a marathon, so pace yourself.
If you think your partner/ girlfiend has Vaginismus listen to them and follow their lead.
A person with Vaginismus can enjoy intimacy and sexual pleasure in various forms, but penetrative sex is usually painful and anxiety-inducing.
- Take penetration off the menu until they feel ready, especially during the treatment of their condition.
- Don't push to 'just try'. Instead, come up with fun ways to explore sex without penetration.
Q&A: I think I may have Vaginismus
Hi Sh! Team,
I find this really difficult and awkward to talk about but I’m guessing you are probably very used to it. I went through an almost 2-year long dry spell before meeting my boyfriend. When we first started having sex it felt uncomfortable and painful. He’s definitely on the bigger side but I thought I would get used to it, however, instead, it has gotten worse. I don’t think I have ever had this happen before. From what I have read it sounds like vaginismus.
I’m not quite sure what to do. I know I should probably see my GP about it but I’ve previously had bad experiences with NHS services, especially where mental health and other delicate matters are concerned. I’ve recently had a check-up as well as an STI test and there is nothing wrong physically.
Do you have any advice on how to work on this? I’m worried it’ll get worse and don’t know what to do...
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