Dear Sh!
My clitoris is so sensitive it cannot be directly touched, to the annoyance of my lover. I can have vaginal orgasms but cannot masturbate in the clitoral area as it feels uncomfortable. What can I do or use to stimulate my clitoris or make it less sensitive? Help!
Hi there,
Thanks for getting in touch!
The first thing to know is that you're not alone. Many women & vulva owners aren't fans of direct clitoral stimulation - it can be uncomfortable or even painful. We're not sure why your lover gets annoyed - that's unfair. They probably don't quite understand how sensitive a clitoris is. We have also been on the receiving end of intense rubbing, and... We're with you - it hurts! *winces*
With 10,000+ nerve endings, the clit is the most sensitive part of the human body.
The clitoral glans (the external nub at the top of your inner vaginal lips) have more than twice as many nerve endings as the glans (head) of the penis. Comparing the size of the clit to the tip of the penis helps you understand why the clitoris is so sensitive - the nerve endings are enclosed in a much smaller area!
This is one of the reasons why men and women respond to different types of touch. Diques can usually handle much firmer stimulation, whereas the clit needs a gentler approach. Ask your partner to stroke slowly and sensually around your clitoris rather than rubbing directly on top of it.
No rule says your clitoris has to be touched.
This is very much a personal preference. Some clits love a direct touch, while others prefer an oh-so-close but not directly on-it clitoral touch.
The hair-standing-up-on-the-back-of-the-neck sensation you can get from the anticipation of something can be far more enticing than the actual sensation. Encourage your lover to gently ascend from erotic stroking of feet, calves, thighs, and inner thighs to kissing your labia lips and softly blowing on your clit.
Find your clitoris' sweet spot.
Men often approach the clitoris as an easy jackpot and pretty safe, 'she's bound to get turned on if I rub on this' spot. This isn't always the case. Too often, porn films teach men the wrong kind of stimulation entirely - going at clits like they need to be rubbed out (ouch!). Many men 'learn' about sex from watching porn and forget that much of it is created for visual effects.
The sweetest spots are often on the sides of the clitoris rather than directly on it. Think of your clit as a clock, with 12 at the top and 6 at the bottom. Figure out which "time" is the sweetest for you and focus gentle stimulation on those times rather than the tip of the clitoris.
Your out-of-bounds clitoral spots don't have to be negatives. Your lover still has the rest of your body to pleasure!
The labia and your whole genital region (inside and outside) are joined. If your clit is too sensitive for direct stimulation when you masturbate, try using a gentle vibrator around your vulva instead. You'll see how engorged your labia becomes without any direct clitoral stimulation. Also, using a few drops of lube will help make touching around the clit feel softer and more sensual.
Saying that - there is no reason why you have to include the external part of your clit when masturbating. If it feels better to focus the stimulation on your vagina, then... Go for it! There are no rules for masturbation - enjoy the kind of stimulation that feels best for you :)
We hope this helps!
Best Wishes,
Team Sh! xx
