Sexual pleasure doesn’t have to follow a script. It doesn’t have to centre your genitals, involve penetration or look like anyone else’s version of sex.
For some trans and non-binary people, particular body parts, words or types of touch can feel wonderfully affirming. Others may feel disconnected from certain parts of their body, experience dysphoria around them, or simply prefer pleasure that focuses somewhere else entirely.
And plenty of people feel differently on different days.
There’s no correct way to experience your body. The aim isn’t to learn how you should have sex - it’s to discover what feels good for you.
So, forget any rulebooks. Let’s explore pleasure beyond gender.
Choose Sensation, Not Gender
At Sh!, we organise our sex toy collections to make it easier to find what you’re looking for, but pleasure doesn’t follow labels. A toy might sit in one category, but that doesn’t mean there’s only one way, or one body, to enjoy it.
Think of our collections as a helpful starting point, not a rulebook. Follow the sensations that feel good to you.
Instead of asking “Which toy am I supposed to use?”, try asking:
What sensation would I like to experience?
Perhaps you want:
- vibration
- pressure
- sucking or pulsing sensations
- penetration or fullness
- stroking
- nipple stimulation
- anal pleasure
- restraint or sensory play
- the feeling of giving or receiving penetration
- pleasure that doesn't involve your genitals at all
Once you start with sensation, rather than gender, a much wider world of toys becomes available.
A vibrator is a vibrator. A dildo is a dildo. How, where and whether you use it is up to you.
Pleasure Doesn't Have to Centre Your Genitals
Genitals get an enormous amount of attention when we talk about sex, but your whole body is capable of experiencing erotic sensation.
If genital touch doesn't feel good or affirming - whether sometimes or always - explore elsewhere.
Necks, nipples, chests, backs, stomachs, thighs, buttocks, ears and feet can all be deliciously sensitive. Try fingertips, massage, vibration, feathers, temperature play or different textures and notice how your body responds.
A blindfold can make this especially interesting. Taking sight out of the equation allows you to concentrate more closely on touch and anticipation.
There doesn't need to be a destination, either. Pleasure doesn't have to end in orgasm to count.
Explore Nipple & Chest Pleasure
Nipple and chest stimulation can be intensely pleasurable regardless of gender or anatomy — providing it's a part of your body you enjoy having touched.
Start gently. Stroke around the chest or areola before touching the nipple itself and experiment with fingertips, vibration, licking, sucking or gentle pressure.
If you enjoy stronger sensations, adjustable nipple clamps or suction can add intensity. If you're playing with a partner, communicate as you go — nipple sensitivity varies enormously, and what feels delicious to one person can feel far too intense to another.
You can explore solo too. Vibrators aren't restricted to genitals, so try a favourite vibe against your nipples or other sensitive areas and discover where else vibration feels good.
Sex Toys Don't Have to Be Used as Advertised
One of our favourite things about sex toys is how adaptable they can be.
A vibrator sold for clitoral stimulation might feel fantastic against nipples, the perineum or other sensitive areas. A wand can become a whole-body massager. A dildo can be used for penetration, grinding, strap-on play, or simply incorporated into fantasy without being inserted anywhere.
This can be particularly useful if a toy's traditional or marketed use doesn't feel affirming to you.
There are limits, though. Safety still gets the final say.
Only toys specifically designed for anal use should go inside the anus. They need a secure flared base, handle or other design that prevents the toy travelling completely inside.
Creative pleasure? Absolutely. A trip to A&E because your toy disappeared? Less fun.
Strap-Ons: Pleasure, Power & Possibility
Strap-ons can offer far more than penetration.
For some people, wearing a dildo can feel gender-affirming or create a wonderful sense of embodiment. For others, it's about giving pleasure, exploring power, changing roles or experiencing the physical intimacy of moving together.
And you don't need to attach gender to who's giving or receiving.
A traditional dildo and harness offers plenty of control and allows you to choose the dildo size, shape and firmness independently from the harness.
Strapless dildos create a different experience. One end is held inside the wearer while the other can penetrate a partner, potentially creating simultaneous stimulation and wonderfully close body contact.
Neither is inherently better. Choose according to the experience you want.
Anal Pleasure Is for Every Body
Anal pleasure isn't determined by gender, sexuality or which genitals you have.
The anus is rich in nerve endings, making external touch, rimming, plugs, beads and penetration pleasurable possibilities for many bodies. Some people also have a prostate that can be stimulated internally through the rectum.
If you'd like to explore, start slowly and use plenty of lube. The anus doesn't self-lubricate, and relaxed, well-lubricated play is much more likely to feel pleasurable.
Most importantly, only insert toys designed specifically for anal use, with a secure flared base or other reliable stopper.
There is absolutely no requirement to explore anal play, either. It's simply another possibility if your curiosity takes you there.
What About Genital Pleasure?
Pleasure beyond gender doesn't mean avoiding genitals.
If genital stimulation feels good to you, enjoy it.
You may simply prefer different language, different kinds of touch or toys that aren't marketed towards your gender.
Experiment with vibration, pressure, stroking, suction or penetration and notice which sensations feel pleasurable and affirming. You can also explore around rather than directly on sensitive areas if direct stimulation feels too intense or uncomfortable.
You decide which parts of your body are erotic AND what you call them.
Talk About Words as Well as Touch
If you're playing with someone else, consent isn't only about where you're comfortable being touched.
Language matters too.
Ask what words your partner likes to use for their body and whether there are words they'd rather avoid. Don't assume that someone's gender tells you what they call their anatomy, what they enjoy doing with it or which sexual roles feel good.
And keep checking in. What feels affirming today may not feel the same tomorrow.
Good sex isn't about getting the terminology perfect from a textbook. It's about listening to the person you're actually sharing the experience with.
Choosing a Sex Toy That Feels Right for You
When you're shopping, try putting gender aside and consider:
Sensation → Do you want vibration, pressure, suction, penetration, texture or something else?
Body area → Where would you actually like to feel it?
Giving or receiving → Do you want the toy to stimulate you, a partner, both of you or simply help you embody a particular role?
Intensity → Gentle and teasing or powerful and direct?
Size → If penetration is involved, what feels comfortable for your body?
Control → Would simple buttons, a remote control, handles or hands-free use make play easier or more enjoyable?
How it makes you feel → Don't underestimate this one. Colour, shape, terminology and design can all affect how connected you feel to a toy.
A toy can be technically perfect and still not feel like you. That's reason enough to choose something else.
Your Body. Your Pleasure.
There isn't one trans sexual experience. There isn't one non-binary sexual experience. And there certainly isn't a list of sex toys that every trans or non-binary person should enjoy.
Your relationship with your body is your own.
You can centre your genitals or completely ignore them. Penetrate or be penetrated. Wear a strap-on. Hand it to your partner. Use vibration somewhere unexpected. Explore kink. Keep things soft and sensual. Have an enormous orgasm. Don't have an orgasm at all.
You can also change your mind.
Pleasure belongs to you. However you choose to experience it.
Explore More
Shop Trans & Non-Binary Sex Toys →
Toys and pleasure products chosen with trans and non-binary bodies, comfort and pleasure in mind.
