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How to Tell Your Partner What You Want Sexually (Without Having To Say!;)

How to Tell Your Partner What You Want Sexually (Without Having To Say!;) Sh! Women's Store

While partners try their very best to push all the right buttons, they may get it wrong. Maybe they lack know-how on your hot-spots; maybe they're a tad too rough or a little too gentle; maybe they go too fast or maybe it's not fast enough...

Your partner needs insider knowledge - and that insider is YOU, because no one knows your body, and what gets your juices flowing, quite like YOU do!

Telling your partner directly/bluntly what you want sexually is easily interpreted that you are dissatisfied with your sex-life together. No matter how sensitiviely you approach the subject, if the message comes across wrong it is highly likely that feelings will be hurt. 

Rather than focusing on the negative and listing what they are getting wrong, telling your partner what you want sexually can be a positive experience with massive benefits for you both, and your future sex-life together.

3 tips to help open-up sexual communication, without having to have 'the talk.'



1. Use Mutual Masturbation To Tell What You Want Sexually

Ideal for a visual learner.

Become your partners’ hottest 'personal trainer' Open your legs and instruct!

MM is a hot, empowering way to show your partner what gets you off whilst encouraging them to also demonstrate their personal bests.

With no losers, a mutual masturbation session is a win-win for everyone, as it allows you to show your partner how you like your buttons pushed, whilst also learning/checking in that you are also pushing theirs in the right way.

A learning mutual masturbation session is best done one after the other, rather than both at the same time. One partner 'shows & tells' to orgasm, followed by their partner. This allows the watching partner to really focus on what the active partner is doing.

Demonstrating how you masturbate shows your partner exactly how you like to be touched. Giving a verbal commentary as you do it ( 'I like to start out slow, with my fingers here' ...) will make the moves stick in their head. 


Feeling too shy to put on a show? Slip on a blindfold. It will help with mindfulness, allowing you to get into your body and your fantasy. With no eyes to catch, your being blindfolded will give permission to your partner to really feast on your sex show.


A LOT of clit-owners need sustained stimulation of their clits to orgasm. FACT. Also fact: a vibrator offers this kind of steady, reliable stimulation. If the reason you are sexually unsatisfied is because you can't orgasm during sex with your partner, a show-and-tell mutual masturbation session is a good opportunity to introduce a sex toy, as long as you think your partner's ego is up to it, and you do it with care and thoughtfulness. 

Remember, whilst you're using MM to show and tell your partner what you want sexually, you want it to expand the sex life you have together, not be negative comment on it.

Verbally include your partner; 'I'm imagining you're using this vibrator on me...'  'You're teasing me with it...'

Sexy talk is crucial. This is NOT a time to whip out a sex toy and silently enjoy it. 

Lube enhances all sex: FACT. But directly telling your partner you want to use lube  can bruise egos and bring up insecurities  ( 'don't I turn her on enough?') Your MM session is again a good opportunity to introduce lube to ALL your bedroom sessions, so long as you include your partner: Drizzle it all down your body and use its extra glide to slide your hands sensually all over your body and really put on a show!

Learn more about mutual masturbation...


2. Make Your Partner Your Sexual Servant 

Sexual Servant Role-Play

Ideal for a sexually playful partner

Use role-play to quite literally instruct your partner what you want them to do sexually. 

This can be any role play where one of you is 'in charge' and the other HAS to do what the other wants.

You can get as creative ( and silly!) as you like with role-play roles:

  • Mistress/Master of the house and Maid/Butler
  • Police and 'offender' 
  • Erotic massage therapist and client
  • Bottle-rubber and Genie!

Or, you could go all out with 'Master/Mistress and Slave', and all the BDSM play and bondage & BDSM gear  associated with it.

BDSM play, especially if it involves bondage or any kind of triggering 'scenes' should only ever be done with someone you know and trust completely. You should both follow bondage & BDSM safety rules to ensure each of you stays safe, both physically and emotionally.

However you role-play, the point is, in the 'dominant' role you get to tell ('demand';) your partner to do exactly what you want sexually, how you want it done and for how long! 


This scenerio is best introduced as a special occasion 'present'.

So, when your partner asks what you would like for your Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas or Valentines gift, whisper that this year you'd prefer an 'experience' over a physical pressie!

And if role-play seems a little daunting, you could just ask to be granted 3 wishes, and then tell them exactly what your 3 wishes entail!

10 Role-Play Ideas 


3. Use Sexts To Tell Your Partner What You Want  

 Sexting and sexy selfie

Ideal for building hot blow-by-blow 'instructions'

Also ideal for over-coming shyness.

Sexting is a great way to tell your partner what you want. You can plan what you want to say beforehand and weave it into fantasy snippets that your partner can digest (and study!) before they come home... 

If sexting isn't already part of your relationship, start slow. 

Your first message could simply to convey that you're feeling frisky and wishing they were there ;)


  • Use emoji's to make your sexts playful
  • Use sexy/suggestive gifs to add stiring visuals
  • Use language and tone that is familiar to them and to your relationship

Sending a barrarge of sexts, out of the blue could feel intimidating to the uninitiated. So, wait patiently for a response and to guage their willingness to participate. 


If they don’t reply instantly, or in a way that shuts you down, don't take it personally - they could simply be in a meeting or busy with their mind else where...

Play the long-game. It could take weeks to build up to sexting explicit instructions of what you'd like your partner to do to you, or what you would like to do/try with them.

The more specific you are, the wilder their imagination will run and so the easier it will be for them to get it right later on. Something like "I'd really like you to nibble the inside of my thighs before slowly working your way closer to my wet lips" is both to the point and instructional, and will ensure they limber up their lips on the way home...

Learn Sexting Rules

Learn How to Talk Sexy


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