Do you find it tricky to reach your pleasurable bits, grip a vibrator for an orgasm-inducing length of time, or hold a weighty sex toy? You’re not alone.
Millions of disabled women and vulva owners encounter unnecessary barriers to sexual pleasure - from toys that are difficult to grip to a lack of useful, inclusive advice from the medical world and the sex-toy industry.
Over the years, we’ve spoken to many customers for whom this is a reality. We’ll never forget the first phone call that really brought it home.
“Now listen, dear,” boomed a voice before we’d even had the chance to ask: “How can we help?”
“I’ve got a frozen shoulder and can’t reach myself - what have you got that can help me?” came the enquiry, with a directness only a lifetime in Yorkshire could bring.
We sent her a vibrator. Not long afterwards, a short note arrived containing this glorious piece of Northern frankness:
“I hereby certify that this vibrator works if you have a frozen shoulder!”
The vibrator in question has long since been discontinued, but the need for genuinely useful, accessible pleasure products certainly hasn’t.
Sexual pleasure is part of sexual wellbeing - and it belongs to every body. Whether you’re navigating arthritis, chronic pain, fatigue, reduced grip, an injury or another mobility difficulty, the right toy or a simple adaptation can make pleasure more comfortable and accessible.
No sex toy will work for every person or every body. Think about the movements, positions and sensations that feel manageable for you, and please get in touch with us if you’d like some friendly, individual guidance.
Accessible sex toys for reach, grip and hands-free pleasure
Society still has an unfortunate habit of presenting sex & pleasure as the preserve of the young, conventionally beautiful and non-disabled. We’d like to consign that idea to the bin, where it belongs!
We believe everyone has a right to the pleasure, connection and self-esteem that a fulfilling sex life can bring - whoever you are, whatever consensual pleasure looks like for you and wherever you are in your sexual journey.
Below are some practical options to consider if reaching, gripping, holding or moving a sex toy is difficult, tiring or painful.
Sex toys that offer extra reach
A vibrator with a longer handle can make it easier to reach your vulva and clitoris without stretching, twisting or holding an uncomfortable position. A bendable toy can be especially helpful because you can shape it before play rather than relying entirely on wrist or arm movement.
Slender G-Spot Vibe
The Slender G-Spot Vibe has a long, narrow shape and a rounded tip, making it a lovely option if you prefer a less intimidating internal toy. Its single button operates nine vibration modes, so there are no complicated controls to navigate mid-pleasure.
The particularly useful feature here is its bendable neck. The shaft feels fairly firm, but the neck can be shaped and will hold its new position. This may help you angle the vibrator towards your G-spot or use it externally against the clitoris with less reaching and wrist movement.
Its slim size may also suit people who prefer gentle penetration. Add plenty of water-based lubricant and reapply when needed.
Zalo Calla Lily
The Zalo Calla Lily combines a long handle with several different stimulating surfaces. Its soft silicone petals can be swept over nipples and other sensitive areas, while the central pistil provides more focused clitoral stimulation. The slim flower-shaped tip can also be used for shallow penetration, or you can use the longer stem if you enjoy more depth.
For anyone who struggles to reach their favourite spots, the extended handle provides useful extra length and leverage. It may also be easier to guide than a small vibrator that requires lots of precise hand movement.
Calla Lily contains two motors, each offering eight modes. One button controls the petal, and the other controls the stem, allowing you to use either sensation separately or enjoy both together. Coat whichever part you’re using with a little water-based lube, get comfortable and explore without rushing.
Bendy Rabbit Ears with Suction
The Bendy Rabbit Ears with Suction is an imaginative little pleasure-shapeshifter. Its exceptionally long “ears” can be bent into different curves and will hold their position, helping you shape the toy around your body before play. This may be particularly useful if reaching, angling a toy or maintaining lots of hand and wrist movement is difficult or tiring.
Position the suction opening over your clitoris and arrange the vibrating ears along your vulva for two different sensations at once. Alternatively, turn the toy around and use one or both ears for vaginal or G-spot stimulation. Each ear measures 5.5 inches and is just 0.67 inches across at its widest point, making it a lovely option if you prefer slender penetration.The ears can also be used anally, but the larger central body must always remain safely outside the body.For clitoral play, coat the suction opening with water-based lube before positioning it over your clitoris.
The nine modes offer relatively gentle suction alongside fizzy, buzzy vibrations, which can be enjoyed together or separately.
Making a vibrator easier to grip
Narrow vibrator handles and tiny buttons can be difficult to manage if you have arthritis, tremors, pain, weakness or reduced dexterity in your hands and fingers.One inexpensive adaptation is to fit the base of a classic-style vibrator into a clean tennis ball. This creates a much larger, rounder surface that may be easier to hold.The hole should be slightly smaller than the base of the vibrator so the toy fits securely.
Cutting a tennis ball can itself require strength and control, so ask someone you trust for help if necessary. Make sure the cut edges are smooth and cannot scratch your skin, and never cover charging points, air vents or controls.
Foam grip tubing, the kind sometimes used to make pens or cutlery easier to hold, may also work with certain vibrator handles. Whatever you use, check that the toy is secure and that you can switch it off easily.
Using a wand without continuously holding it
A wand might seem like an odd recommendation when these toys are among the heaviest vibrators available. However, their broad heads, long handles and powerful vibrations can also make them easier to position for low-effort or hands-free play.
Try supporting a wand massager with firm pillows. Lie in a comfortable position with the wand head resting gently against your vulva, then use pillows between or alongside your thighs to help keep the handle stable. The aim is to support the toy, not clamp it tightly or put strain on your body.
Some people prefer to lie or lean on top of a wand. If you try this, avoid putting your full body weight onto the toy and change position if you feel uncomfortable, numb or overly warm. Always switch the wand off and move it away from your body before falling asleep.
Lightweight vibrators
If lifting or holding a larger toy quickly becomes tiring, a small, lightweight vibrator may be more comfortable.
A finger vibrator adds vibration to your touch without much extra weight. Depending on its design, it may be worn over a finger, held in your palm or tucked between two fingers. This can be useful for solo pleasure or for stimulating a partner when larger movements feel tiring.
Do check the style of finger loop before buying. A snug or rigid loop may not suit swollen or painful fingers, while a softer, more flexible design may feel easier to position.
Wearable and hands-free vibrators
Wearable toys usually require some hand movement to switch on and put in place, but they can reduce the need to keep holding a vibrator during play. Remote controls can also be helpful if the toy’s buttons are difficult to reach (or if you fancy handing control to a partner).
Leaf Panty Vibe
The Leaf Panty Vibe is shaped to sit inside your knickers, with a gently textured nub positioned for clitoral stimulation and a curved lower section that rests near the vaginal opening.
A strong magnetic fastener holds it in place. Lift the magnetic button, place the vibrator inside your knickers and reconnect the magnet from the outside. Once it is positioned comfortably, you can enjoy the vibrations without holding the toy in place.
Magnets and fiddly fastenings won’t suit everybody, so consider whether separating and reconnecting the two pieces will be manageable for your hands. If it is, Leaf can be a useful option for seated, reclined or partnered play.
Turn your favourite knickers into vibrating panties
Many everyday knickers have a small opening between the outer fabric and cotton gusset. This can create a handy pocket for a compact bullet vibrator.
Make sure the bullet sits securely, feels comfortable and cannot press painfully into your body. A remote-controlled bullet means you won’t need to reach inside your clothing whenever you want to change the setting or switch it off.
Ride-on pleasure
Ride-on toys remove the need to grip a vibrator, although getting into position and creating movement may not be accessible or comfortable for everyone.
The Ruby Glow Dusk is designed to rest on a stable chair, bed or another firm, flat surface. Position yourself with your clitoris against the ribbed silicone stimulator, then use whatever gentle rocking, grinding or shifting movement feels comfortable for your body.
Its two motors can be controlled independently and offer ten settings, allowing you to tailor the vibrations without continually repositioning the toy. A little water-based lube over the silicone ridges can make movement smoother and reduce friction.
Ruby Glow Dusk may be particularly useful if holding a vibrator is difficult and you are comfortable supporting yourself in a seated or straddling position. If hip or leg movement is limited or painful, however, a supported wand or wearable toy may be a better fit.
Wearable internal and external stimulation
The We-Vibe was originally designed for couples to enjoy during vaginal intercourse, but C-shaped designs can also provide hands-free stimulation during solo play.
One end sits inside the vagina while the larger external arm rests over the clitoral area. Once it is comfortably positioned, both ends vibrate without the need to keep holding the toy. As with any insertable wearable, how well it stays in place depends on your anatomy, position and movement.
If inserting, removing or cleaning a small curved toy is difficult for your hands, you may prefer an external wearable or a vibrator with a longer handle.
Hands-free penetrative pleasure
If you enjoy the sensation of fullness but find it difficult or tiring to hold a dildo in place, a dual dildo accessory offers another possibility.
This leather accessory attaches to the leg straps of a compatible harness and helps hold a dildo inside the wearer. It fits many of our silicone dildos, giving you a choice of lengths and girths. A vibrating dildo can be used if you would also like internal vibration.
This setup requires a strap-on harness, a compatible dildo and the dual dildo accessory, so it is one of the more expensive options. It can also take some dexterity to assemble and adjust. Once fitted properly, however, it can provide penetrative pleasure without requiring you to hold the dildo throughout play.
Finding an accessible sex toy that works for you
Accessibility is personal. A toy described as hands-free may still be difficult to position. A lightweight toy may have buttons that are too small. A powerful wand may require less movement but feel too heavy to lift. None of this means pleasure isn’t for you - only that the design needs to work with your body rather than against it.
Before choosing, consider:
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How much weight you can comfortably lift and support
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Whether you prefer a wide handle or a slim one
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How easily you can press and distinguish the controls
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Whether a remote control would help
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Which positions you can get into and maintain comfortably
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Whether the toy will be easy for you to charge, clean and store
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Whether you need extra reach, flexible positioning or hands-free support
Experiment with pillows and positioning aids, give yourself plenty of time and stop if anything causes pain, numbness or unwanted strain. If you use an implanted medical device or have concerns about changes in pain, sensation or circulation, seek advice from an appropriate healthcare professional.
Most importantly, don’t be embarrassed to ask us questions. We’ve been helping women and vulva owners find toys that work for their bodies since 1992, and there is very little we haven’t been asked.
