Let’s talk about putting the oooh into booty.
Rimming - using the mouth, lips or tongue to stimulate the anus - can feel intimate, playful and intensely pleasurable. It can also inspire a few perfectly reasonable questions. What do I actually do? How clean is clean enough? Is it safe? What if I’m nervous? And where, exactly, am I meant to put my nose?
Deep breath. You do not need an advanced degree in ass appreciation. You need communication, a little preparation and a willingness to pay attention to the person attached to the bum.
Whether you’re giving, receiving or enthusiastically swapping places, here’s how to make rimming feel good without shame, pressure or unnecessary fuss.
First things first: what is rimming?
Rimming, aka anilingus or oral–anal, means stimulating the anus with the mouth. That might include kissing, licking around the outside, tracing circles with the tongue or using gentle changes in pressure and rhythm.
The anus contains plenty of sensitive nerve endings, so external touch alone can feel delicious. Rimming doesn't have to lead to penetration, and enjoying it says nothing about your gender, sexuality or whatever else you like in bed.
It simply means your bum has nerve endings and someone has excellent taste!
Consent: get an enthusiastic yes before heading south
Surprise parties are divisive. Surprise tongues near someone’s anus are worse. Talk about rimming before you do it.
- “Would you like me to kiss or lick you there?”
- “How do you feel about rimming?”
- “Do you want that over underwear, with a dental dam, or skin-to-skin?”
- “Tell me if you want more, less or something different.”
Consent should be enthusiastic, specific and ongoing. A yes to oral sex is not automatically a yes to rimming. A yes last week is not a standing appointment. Anyone can pause or stop at any point, for any reason. If someone seems tense, freezes, pulls away or goes quiet, check in. “Still good?” is sexy.
Preparing for rimming
For most people, going to the loo and washing the outside of the butt with warm water and mild, unscented soap is enough. Clean gently; don't scrub or put soap inside the rectum, as irritation is nobody’s idea of foreplay.
Start with a loo break
It’s one less thing to think about, and relaxing is easier when you feel comfortably empty.
Give your bum a little time
If you have just been to the loo or cleaned, waiting around an hour can help you feel settled and avoid rushing straight from bathroom to bedroom.
Keep food sensible
You do not need a special “rimming diet.” Avoid a huge, heavy meal immediately beforehand if that tends to leave you uncomfortable.
Make getting clean part of the fun
Showering together can be an easy and erotic way to transition into play.
Douching is optional
You do not need to douche to receive rimming. Some people prefer it for peace of mind; others find it irritating or unnecessary. If you choose to douche, use a purpose-made bulb and lukewarm water, be gentle, avoid repeated flushing and allow plenty of time for your body to settle afterwards.
If douching causes pain, bleeding or persistent discomfort, stop. Butt-safety before pleasure, every time.
Is rimming safe?
Rimming is not risk-free. Oral–anal contact can transmit STIs including herpes, HPV, syphilis, gonorrhoea and chlamydia. It can also spread hepatitis A and B, as well as intestinal infections such as E. coli. Many infections can be present without obvious symptoms. The risk of HIV transmission through oral sex is considered much lower than through vaginal or anal intercourse, but “lower risk” does not mean “no risk.”
You can reduce risk by:
- Using a dental dam or a condom cut open into a flat sheet.
- Using a fresh barrier for each person and each body area.
- Keeping the same side of the dam against the receiver’s body - don’t flip it over halfway through.
- Adding a little water-based lubricant between the dam and the skin to improve sensation and help it stay in place.
- Avoid oil-based lube because it can weaken latex.
- Avoid rimming when either person has sores, cuts, bleeding gums, diarrhoea or a stomach bug.
- Wash hands and toys before and after play, and change condoms on toys between people or body areas.
- Getting regular STI tests.
Flavoured dental dams can make barriers feel less clinical, because safer rimming can still taste like a treat.
How to use a dental dam for rimming
Dental dams are thin sheets of latex or polyurethane designed to sit between the mouth and the body.
- Check the expiry date and packaging.
- Remove the dam carefully - teeth, jewellery and sharp nails can damage it.
- Put a small amount of water-based lubricant on the receiver’s side.
- Lay the dam flat over the anus.
- Hold it in place and stimulate through it with your lips and tongue.
- Keep track of which side touched the body. Do not turn it over.
- Throw it away after use. Dental dams are single-use.
No dam to hand? You can make one from a condom: cut off the tip and base, then cut lengthways to create a rectangle. Voila!
How to give a rim job that actually feels good
There is no single gold-standard tongue technique. Bodies vary. The secret is starting slowly and paying attention to what gets a response.
Build anticipation
Do not treat the bum like a target you must reach in record time. Kiss the thighs, hips, lower back and butt cheeks. Massage around the area. Let your partner know where you’re going and give their body time to relax.
Begin around the outside
Start with broad, gentle kisses or slow tongue strokes around the anus. The outer area may be more sensitive than you expect. You can trace circles, move side to side or use the flat of your tongue for softer pressure.
Change one thing at a time
Experiment with speed, pressure or pattern (but not all three at once). Consistency often feels better than frantic slurping. If a rhythm gets an enthusiastic reaction, stay there.
Use your hands
Hold the butt cheeks apart gently, stroke the thighs, touch other parts of the body, or let your partner guide you. If fingers move from the anus to the vulva and vagina, wash them or change latex gloves first to reduce the transfer of bacteria.
Let feedback lead
Ask simple questions: “Softer?” - “More pressure?” - “Keep going?” Listen to sounds, movement and breathing, but don’t treat body language as a substitute for consent. Take breaks, change angles and breathe through your nose.
How to receive rimming
Receiving is not a performance. You do not need to stay perfectly still, make a particular noise or pretend something feels incredible when it doesn’t. Beforehand, tell your partner:
- Whether you want a barrier.
- What words you like for your body.
- Whether you prefer teasing, steady stimulation or firmer pressure.
- What is off-limits.
- How you’ll signal “pause” or “stop.”
During play, breathe slowly and unclench your jaw, belly and pelvic floor. Move your hips if it feels good. Ask for what you want. “A little slower” is useful information.
If you are worried about cleanliness, do the preparation that helps you feel comfortable and then permit yourself to be present. Bodies make smells, sounds and occasional surprises. Kind partners know this.
Good positions for rimming
On your front
Lie on your stomach with a pillow beneath your hips. This can feel relaxed and less exposing, while giving the giver a comfortable angle.
On all fours
This offers easy access and lets the receiver adjust the angle by moving their hips. A pillow under the knees can help.
On your back
Lie back and bring your knees towards your chest. This allows eye contact and easy access to other erogenous zones.
Face-sitting
The receiver can hover or kneel over the giver’s face (think controlled hover). Agree in advance on how the giver will signal for a break, and make sure they can move their head and breathe comfortably.
Choose the position that works for your bodies.
Can you go from rimming to other kinds of sex?
Yes, with a hygiene reset.
Do not move a tongue, finger, toy or penis directly from the anus to the vagina without washing or changing the barrier first. This can transfer bacteria and increase the risk of infection. Use a fresh condom on toys and wash hands between body areas.
If you want to kiss after giving a rim job, discuss that boundary beforehand. Some people love it; others would prefer a quick mouthwash rinse.
When should you skip rimming?
Wait until everyone is well if either person has:
- Diarrhoea, vomiting or a stomach bug.
- Unexplained anal pain, bleeding or discharge.
- Sores, blisters, cuts, rashes or active irritation around the mouth or anus.
- Bleeding gums or recent dental work that has left the mouth sore.
- A diagnosed infection for which a clinician has advised avoiding sexual contact.
Seek medical advice if you develop persistent pain, sores, unusual discharge, fever, diarrhoea or other symptoms after sexual contact. Sexual-health clinics have heard it all. Give them accurate information so they can offer the right tests and care.
The bottom line
Good rimming is not about being fearless, spotless or technically dazzling. It is about mutual enthusiasm, comfort and paying attention.
Talk first. Clean gently. Use barriers. Start slowly, follow feedback and never underestimate the erotic power of asking, “Does this feel good?”
Your face may be heading south, but your standards should remain high.
