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Q&A: How To Try Solo Anal Sex With Only Lube And No Toys?

How can I start anal sex if I only have lube and no toys? - Sh! Women's Store

Hi Sh! 

I'm curious about anal sex and I'd really like to try it, but I don't know how to go about it. I have lube, but no sex toys. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks!

Hello there, 

Thanks for getting in touch!

Lube is essential for pain-free anal sex, so if you have that, you are already doing well. The anus isn't self-lubricating, so lube is a must for pleasurable anal play. 

Lube is essential for anal sex

Silicone-based lube is perfect for anal sex as it's slippery and long-lasting. It doesn't evaporate, so a little goes a long way. 

However, while silicone-based lube is perfect for skin-on-skin anal pleasure, it can cause issues when paired with sex toys made from silicone. Instead, use it for anal play with fingers, penises, and toys made from plastic, glass or stainless steel. 

Water-based anal lube is the best choice for anal play with toys made from silicone. Water-based lube is water-soluble and can be used for all anal sex with toys, fingers and penises. 

The downside to water-based lube is that it evaporates, so you'll need to reapply at regular intervals during your play session.  

A clear bottle of anal lube

Try solo anal sex for beginners

Exploring anal sex on your own helps build confidence. Take time to learn what you like and dislike, as this knowledge will be helpful if you want to explore anal play with a partner in the future.

You don't need to have a toy to start your anal pleasure journey. If you can reach your butt, your fingers are perfect pleasure tools. Make sure your nails are smooth and (ideally) short before gloving up. Using latex gloves (or condoms) for all anal play adds a silky touch and keeps your delicate tush safe.

Lube stays nice and slick on gloved fingers. Your fingers feel sleeker in a glove, and you'll be more in tune with your body. Wearing latex gloves also helps take care of any hygiene issues.

Add some lube to a fingertip and stroke gently around the anal rim. Explore the anal opening without penetrating it. Breathe, focus on sensations and see how it feels. Try stroking across, making circles around the rim and tippety-tap movements on and around the butt.

A hand wearing a black latex glove

Top Tip: Many people start their anal sex play in the bath or shower, which makes good sense.

First of all, privacy!

Secondly, shower jets feel divine when sprayed over (never in) the anus.
As silicone lube isn't water-soluble, it's great for anal discoveries in the bathtub or shower. Just be aware that the silicone lube makes tiles super-slippy, and make sure to wipe up any spills to avoid accidents.

Anal penetration 

You have two sets of sphincter muscles. The outer sphincter can be clenched at will, but you can't control the internal sphincter. This is why, even if you are trying to relax, your anus might resist any penetration. 

We usually say to wait for the ass to 'invite you in' before slipping a fingertip inside: Take your time and don't force the issue. Your butt will relax when it's ready for more.

Patience and a slow pace are essential to relaxing anal muscles and pleasurable anal sex. If the ass resists or you feel pain, you need to slow down and add more lube. You'll be able to explore penetration with a finger once the internal sphincter relaxes and opens up.

If you find that you are comfortable with one finger and want more, you can start the process again and try with two fingers. Go slow and use lots of lube.

A black and whiten diagram of the anal sphincters

Anal sex toys

If you find that anal play becomes a huge turn on for you, you might want to think about investing in an anal toy. 

Using an toy can make it easier to stimulate an area that's tricky to reach in some positions, plus it allows you to explore more. Each type of toy offers its own unique sensations, so the butt is your oyster! 

  • Anal beads are great for newbies. They're a gentle introduction to the pleasures of anal toys. Insert the lubed-up beads one by one, and pull out on the point of orgasm. A string of beads can truly super-charge your climax!
  • Butt plugs come in a variety of sizes, but starting small is the best way to go. Plugs are left in the tush for a sensual feeling of fullness. Twist or wiggle for sexy sensations!
  • Anal vibrators¬†deliver waves of vibration to the butt, an area rich in nerve endings. Vibrations can also help relax any tension and power-boost your¬† orgasms!
  • Anal dildos are slimmer in girth,¬†with subtly stimulating shafts. An anal dildo is made for stoking in and out if you want to explore deeper penetration.¬†
Vibrating anal dildo in bright pink with a small bullet vibe in gold

A word on anal sex toy safety

All the anal sex toys we stock are safe, ie they are designed with safe bases or wide handles. The rectum is a hungry li'l beast, and toys can easily get sucked up if they aren't safe for anal play. Safety and comfort are your best anal buds!

We hope our tips on how to try solo anal sex helps! 

Read more anal sex advice here.

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