Hello,

Thanks for creating such a positive and supportive vibe to your site :)

I am close to 50 and have not yet achieved an orgasm. I’ve decided it’s time to get some advice about toys I might use to help explore this…whilst trying not to put too much pressure on myself!

I mostly experience pleasure and arousal from clitoral stimulation and don’t get a lot of feels from other places. I have one of your little vibrators but find it too intense and overwhelming. I was looking at the toys that give a sucking action. I’m not massively into penetration but haven’t ruled it out.

Which product or products would you recommend I look into? Are there ones which others in my situation have enjoyed or even helped them achieve orgasm?

I am also looking to buy lesbian erotica. I have few books of short stories but they often are too short and end just as my body is getting started. Any book recommendations from your site please? Thanks so much!

Thanks for your lovely words - and good for you in your orgasm quest!

Being 'pre-orgasmic' is quite common.

We use the term 'pre-orgasmic', rather than 'non-orgasmic' or the medical term; 'anorgasmia' as these suggest something wrong/dysfunctional, whereas, in reality, orgasm  is often a learned thing for women & vulva owners, and it can be tricky to get that first one. The good news is that once you figure out how your unique orgasms work, you'll be able to have more :)

Finding the Right Stimulation for Orgasm.

Clitoral over-stimulation is also very common. This is when sensitivity and stimulation are too much, and things feel more painful than pleasurable. We're guessing your little vibe may offer high-intensity vibration - a zingy type of vibe that might be too much for your clitoris.

Over the years, we have found that women tend to fall into one of two camps: Those who need zingy vibration to orgasm (not you) and those who need a deeper, more throbby type of vibration for fireworks to occur (probably you).

We'd recommend trying 'deep throbby' (a technical term!) stimulation as it's more deeply penetrating, rather than surface-stimulating. Imagine sex toys have voices - a deep, throbby vibe would sing to your clit in the deep, sensual tones of Barry White. This deep stimulation vibrates and stimulates the internal parts of your clit - the parts you can't see, but that are equally important for orgasm. 

Clit Suction Toys Are Great For Achieving Orgasm 

Clit sucking toys offer this baritone stimulation - they are some of the most orgasm-reliable toys on the market! 

One of the most popular clit suction vibes is the internet-famous Rose. The Rose offers air suction rather than vibration, and this is very reliable for orgasms. The opening of the Rose sits around the clitoris, so there is no direct contact with the tip of the clit. 

Lube is essential for sensual play, especially for sensitive clits. Make sure to use lube every time. Apply liberally to your clit and vulva, and add a dash of the slippery stuff to the rim of the Rose too. Lube creates a lovely slidey sensation, and this can help boost arousal. 

We also recommend trying something like Tickle Her Pink. This clit arousal gel contains amino acids L-Arginine and L-Ornithine, both of which enhance blood flow, circulation and sensitivity in the clitoral area. A gel like this can be helpful for warm-up.

How Erotica Can Help You Relax and Reach Orgasm

The most important thing about exploring your orgasmic possibilities is not to be 100% goal-oriented. If your brain is too focused on achieving orgasm, chances are that the intense focus will scupper any chance of a climax. Frustrating!

Erotica can be helpful in this regard. Focusing on something else during your play session lets your brain switch from "must orgasm" to "ooh, this is good - keep reading!" Unfortunately, we don't stock many books since our physical store closed, but many of our author friends write saucy stories for this female-focused site. We believe it's free to sign up for just stories, so try a couple and see what you think. 

Have you tried audio erotica? Listening to a sexy story is far easier than having to hold a book and a toy at the same time! Aural erotica invites you to lose yourself in the voice of the author, the story setting, and the suction or vibration of a great sex toy.

Discover Your Orgasmic Potential with Our 'Becoming Orgasmic' Course

Did you know that our sister site, Shush Life, offers online courses? Our most popular in-store classes became online versions that let you 'study' at a time and pace that suits you. 

This empowering orgasm course is all about exploring your body, deepening self-pleasure practices, and gaining a better understanding of how your unique pleasure system works, laying the groundwork for fulfilling sexual experiences.

Throughout seven sessions, we'll guide you through everything from anatomy and masturbation techniques to how to navigate the journey toward orgasm. You’ll also dive into the roles of desire, arousal, and the all-important mind-body connection that helps bring it all together.

We hope this helps - let us know how you get on!

Best Wishes, 

Team Sh! xx