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How to Talk Dirty - A Guide for the Shy

How to Talk Dirty - A Guide for the Shy

Want to talk dirty but feel your mind go blank every time it comes down to it? Perhaps your tongue-tied with nerves? Or distracted by cheeks hotter than the hot action you are trying to describe...

Talking dirty doesn’t come naturally to all of us – especially those who aren’t reading off a script during a porno. Many people can feel shy or embarrassed when communicating their sexual desires to their partner in the moment – but it doesn’t need to be this way. Just because its name may insinuate something untoward, talking dirty isn’t anything to get squeamish over. It’s fun, hot and you definitely don’t need to be able to answer a round of the University Challenges’ questions to do it (meaning anyone can do it).

If, however, the thought of it does make you blush - then don’t worry! Talking dirty is like anything a few wobbly attempts and you will soon be spouting sex-talk magic like the you know you are.

In the meantime, here are some of our tried and tested dirty talking tips for beginners to get the ball rolling.

1. Take the pressure off being an expert dirty-talker on your first go

In the same way that it would be daunting to burst into an acapella song in front of a choir (espesh if not a singer by trade!)  – it’s really difficult to start talking dirty on command, when you are a newbie just starting out...

In such an intimate situation you don’t need to add any extra pressure onto yourself by jumping off into the deep-end.

Start with the lights off so you don’t feel exposed or on show - You could be the Sia of your sex show and no one has to see your face. This is also a good time to mention that writing prompts on your wrist is not really an option in discussing the dirty…you don’t need to force anything.

Instead, start small. Talking like a porn star on your first attempt feels and sounds weird. Try not to alienate yourself. Begin with a few shorter phrases that you are comfortable with...

Try a simple compliment on a certain sexy body trait of your partner or express how much you love a certain action. Perhaps how you enjoy being touched in a certain way or how you enjoy using your tongue on them? Play around with your language. Experiment with your tone of voice. Look up different, fun ways to say things beforehand....

Vagina/Vulva/Pussy/Cunt/ Penis/Dick/Cock/ Rod? You don’t have to go into pornstar language to be sexily vocal in bed. If these words feel uncomfortable, weird, or feel like they’d have you cracking-up, then don’t use them! You can describe what you enjoy or what you’d like to happen during sex quite well without them.

2. Find a SoundTrack

’Your Sex is on Fire’ ‘ I want your Sex’ ‘Sexual Healing’ ‘ Get Off’ find a soundtrack to kick-start your foray into talking dirty. Having music on (at least initially) will get rid of the silence of a quiet room, encourage you to open up (vocal cords) and deliver inspiration on what to say.

3.  Try Roleplaying

Talking dirty, giving commands, using language that may ordinarily make you squirm is usually easier if you take on a different person

If you’re a sex talking newbie, introducing a character into your steamy sessions can make things a lot less intimidating. You can be whoever you want to be – a demanding dominatrix, a naïve naughty nurse, a subliminal servant…literally whoever, or whatever, tickles your pickle.

Maybe you have always had a thing for Jessica Rabbit? Or, perhaps, during your favourite fantasy you take on the role of the girl next door? Be creative and have fun! Let your preferred personality take charge and begin practicing your newfound oral abilities with no stress or reflection on your individual self.

4. Turn Sex Talk into a Conversation

Dirty talk isn’t a burden that you and you alone must bear! Dirty talk is a fun, playful exchange between two (or more) people, designed to help get you both off. There’s no fun in talking at someone – encourage your partner to get involved in everything verbal that’s going on (if they’re not already). This will make things (again) less pressurized and awkward and more entertaining and intimate.

Lead them up your ladygarden’s path with erotic, probing questions… If they’re nervous too, start with ones that require them to answer with only one-word answers.

For instance;

‘do you enjoy this harder or softer’/ ...‘shall I go slower or faster’?

This will start building their confidence up alongside yours so you will soon no longer feel like you have to fake it until you make it.

Alternatively, maybe your partner is the one who is currently dishing out the dirty demands – whilst you find yourself tongue-tied at every turn.

There is no shame in being honest with them about it before your next romp and asking them to simplify their questions for you. This way, you can follow their lead and work your way up to the Queen’s English of verbal erotica.

Finally, whatever happens, make sure you are having fun and enjoying it. Breathe, relax and let your lips do the talking...


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