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Q&A: Why Do I Have Different Orgasms?

Q&A: Why Do I Have Different Orgasms?

Dear Sh!

I have different orgasms with my husband and vibrator.

I normally orgasm when having sex with my hubby; I have what I've recently found out is known as female ejaculation. Now I have recently purchased my first vibrator - a rabbit - WOW! Why didn't I buy one before now (age 31!)?

Well, when using my vibrator, I experience the most amazing orgasms, completely different from those I have with my hubby. These orgasms are extremely powerful and send me to a completely different planet of extreme pleasure, then render me helpless and sleepy - WONDERFUL!

Can you explain why I experience different orgasm, or perhaps I've never had a proper one until the arrival of my rabbit vibe?

Hi there,

Thanks for getting in touch! 

It sounds like you experience a clitoral orgasm with your rabbit vibrator and a G-Spot orgasm with your husband.

Different stimulation = different orgasms

Orgasms are as different as we are. It's possible to have intense orgasms, wet orgasms (and you're lucky enough to have those), quick orgasms, long, hard orgasms...all different!

A Rabbit Vibe does things that the male member can't. A Rabbit vibrator vibrates and rotates; it has beads to stimulate all around the labia and to flex PC muscles against - and above all, it tickles your clitoris!

It's perfectly feasible that this vibrator does things to your body that a penis (however lovely and loving) can't do. It's not a matter of "proper" orgasm and "not a proper" orgasm - it's just a different orgasm.

Rabbit vibrator in purple


Masturbation focuses on you

The other issue is that solo, with a vibrator, you are concentrating on your own pleasure. Sex with a partner is a two-way thing. Self-love is single-minded.

As women, we are taught it's more 'feminine' to be 'selfless' rather than 'selfish' and to put other people's pleasure before our own. No bad thing in that, but coupled with the complexity of our sexual responses, it can mean we don't orgasm as freely as the fellas. 1 in 3 of us can find orgasms tricky or elusive with a partner.

No matter how much you love your hubby and are comfortable being open with him, there may be a sense that you can't completely let go.
This doesn't mean anything is wrong with your relationship - it's just human nature. On our own, we can be totally focused on our own pleasure.

Enjoy sex toys together

One way to have the same intense orgasm with your husband is to enjoy your rabbit when you are in bed together. Let him see and share in your amazing orgasms! 

Introduce your vibrator to your husband, hand him the controls and let him see what happens to your body... If you can achieve the same powerful orgasm in front of him, it will show that other orgasms are possible.

The next step is to see if you can achieve similarly intense orgasms when you have pentrative sex together. For this, you could use the bunny's ears on your clitoris, a small bullet vibrator or even try out a vibrator designed to use during intercourse.

Have fun exploring!

Best Wishes, 
Team Sh! xx

Browse sex toys for couples here. 

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