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Close the Orgasm Gap - Women Deserve More Pleasure!

Closing Orgasm Gap - Sh! Women's Store

The orgasm gap is a name given to the statistical fact that women in heterosexual relationships enjoy far fewer orgasm than their male partners and are bottom of the climax table in relationship sex. Women in lesbian relationships have significantly more orgasms than women in straight relationships and there's lots to learn from this.

This article isn't about bashing men and penis owners for being selfish in bed - far from it! We celebrate clued-up dudes who are doing their bit to close the orgasm gap, like Councilman Arimateio Dantas of Esperantina, Brazil.

Brazilians take women's orgasms seriously.

8 August is Female Orgasm Day or International Female Orgasm Day, an unofficial holiday started in Brazil (2006), to encourage men to satisfy their wives.

It's now celebrated around the world to raise awareness about women's right to sexual pleasure. 

This special day was created by Councilman Arimateio Dantas when he passed a law requiring men to ensure their wives orgasm to raise awareness for female sexuality and reduce stigma and taboo surrounding it, as well as repaying a 'sexual debt' to his wife.

Ensuring orgasm equality in your relationship means understanding how female anatomy, arousal, and orgasm work. This is easier said than done, and it requires a bit of work on your part. Being good in bed isn't something you can learn from watching short clips on PornHub. In fact, forget everything you have ever seen on PornHub. It's Disney for adults.

Instead, take inspiration from the women & vulva-owners who orgasm the most!

Tips from lesbians to close the orgasm gap

  • Make sure she is properly aroused before going anywhere near her clitoris.
  • Spend more time playing together and remove the pressure to orgasm.Removing the pressure¬†makes women come easier!
  • Don't focus on the erection. Just because a dick is soft or one partner has had an orgasm doesn't mean sex is over.
  • Don't focus on penetration. A penis isn't a magic wand.
  • Be supportive - don't take it personally if she needs a specific finger move, or toy, or position to climax; this is normal.

Clitoris illustration

Concentrate on the clitoris. 

The clitoris is the orgasm-generator of the female body.

With its 10,000+ nerve endings, it's incredibly sensitive and needs careful handling. The clit doesn't appreciate being rubbed too hard, but not stroked too gently either - it really does prefer it when the touch is just right.

But what is just right?

Well, that depends on the individual clitoris and the kind of day it's having. It also depends on arousal, wetness, and whether you're using a sex toy, a finger or a tongue. Open communication tends to be a huge turn on, so asking the owner of the clitoris what it likes often goes down a treat.

3D Clitoris model
3D model of the clitoral structure

Ask her to show you.

Many women struggle to orgasm with a partner, both during finger play and penetration. This isn't something to take personally, it's just the clitoris being particular about the kind of stimulation it likes.

Help close the orgasm gap in your relationship by encouraging your partner to touch herself as she would when you're not around (yes, women masturbate), or suggest she gets her favourite vibrator out and shows you how she likes to use it. If she feels bashful, we recommend getting down to some mutual masturbation so she can see what you like too (it's so damn hot, she'll forget about feeling shy).

Contrary to what porn will have us believe (that most women come after about 3 minutes of strong pumping), a non-faked female orgasm can take up to an hour to build up to. An hour!

How long to reach an orgasm?

That's a fair amount of work. You need stamina much more than you need a big penis. In fact, the penis is often irrelevant. Soz. As she gets used to the sensations and what she needs to get off, this hour becomes 50 mins, then 40 mins, and so on.

Some women can come quickly with a trusted sex toy like the Satisfyer Pro2, but expect manual stimulation without the help of a vibrator to take up to 20 minutes to build up to a decent climax. And for every minute you need a break to stretch your neck or rotate your wrist, add 5 minutes to her cum-time. It's only fair.

How long does a female orgasm last?

There’s really no right amount of time for an orgasm to last. In fact, researchers used to think that 3 to 15 seconds was about the duration of a female orgasm. Then they found evidence that a climax could go on for 20 seconds to 2 minutes.

The journal Ceskoslovenska Psychiatrie published data showing that 40% of women estimated the duration of their orgasm to be 30 to 60 seconds or even longer, and 48% of women experienced predominantly long orgasms.

Orgasms are great for health & wellbeing

Ok, so here's the science bit: Orgasms are good for overall health.

Orgasms can help with sleeplessness, they can regulate the menstrual cycle, lower cortisol levels (stress hormone) so they're good for the heart. Orgasms give a natural glow, they tone the pelvic floor, and they increase blood flow to all parts of the brain. 

Does she often suffer from headaches? Suggest she masturbates to orgasm before reaching for the paracetamol packet. Sixty percent of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm, according to the International Headache Society.And there's more:

In the same way having an orgasm changes the brain, it can also crank up pain tolerance. In one study, women’s pain threshold during orgasm increased by 75%, and their pain detection threshold increased by 107%. Not surprisingly, this tolerance to pain has to do with feel-good endorphins and oxytocin (a bonding hormone) that are released during orgasm. In short, for any kind of ailment that can be treated at home, recharge her vibrator and give her some alone-time...

Learn to Become Orgasmic

Becoming Orgasmic Online Course

If you want to encourage your partner, sister, or female friend to take some me-time this National Orgasm Day, we have a Becoming Orgasmic Course. THis online course will guide her through all the amazing pleasure her body can deliver and give 

30% more orgasms with socks on!

Finally, a Danish study showed that women are 30% more likely to orgasm when their feet are warm, so buying her a pair of socks to go along with the course would be a considerate idea :)

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