Now, I don’t know about you but I LOVE a plan. A routine. A schedule. A list. It’s probably my Virgo mother’s influence as (according to her) what is the point of a holiday without a punishing itinerary to work towards? Maybe not… But for me, lists are more about bringing a sense of order in what feels currently like a chaotic world.

I’m sure everyone has their slightly different ways of coping with what is in some ways a much narrower and more restricted view of their everyday existence. However, it doesn’t feel like all bad things. The chance to re-connect with yourself, your body, your partner if you have

One particular routine I’ve come to treasure was one that was admittedly initiated before lockdown, but has now become a more regular occurrence:

Sunday Bumday

The vibe:

• Sunday afternoon/early evening

• Bottle of chilled white wine (I can hear your groans already but hear me out!)

• Hot shower – though tepid for more ‘localised’ cleaning!

• Poppers or ‘room odourisers’ as they’re named to be legally sold in shops

• Miscellaneous anal play sex toys (optional for use but great starters for a session like this – my anal journey began with the Sh! Small Silicone Butt Plug

• A bottle of thick lubricant designed for anal play - I always opt for a water-based and unflavoured as a personal preference like Sh! Pure Plus Lube or something like the Probe Natural Lubricant Classic Thick Rich

Each of the components works for me like a part of the unwinding process for me and my bottom as however relaxed you think you feel to begin an anal session, your body could tell you otherwise.

The smaller shower head function serves me well for feeling really clean everywhere, (I have tried a douche once but found it awkward to use, perhaps because I have little T-Rex arms which made it so awkward trying to reach around myself!) as there is a reality that these sessions can require clean-up because we are human beings with bodily functions. I’m lucky to have a partner who is literally not embarrassed by anything.

The combination of the wine and poppers gives a lovely heady feeling of warmth and sensuality, which for me is helpful to unwind my body into a place of receiving and surrender. As a planner, it takes some concentration for me to stop thinking about menial tasks I’ve yet to do when I want to be focussed on sensations and pleasure. Poppers also dilate your ass muscles to relax them more than usual, (without numbing which can be unsafe for anal safe) so they were a revelation to someone like me who can get in her own head a fair bit.

The toys are for gradual working up to anal penetration with my partner. The best advice I’ve received on safe and fun anal play was from the team at Sh! about always taking your time and gradually increasing either the number of fingers or size of toy until you’re at a comfortable place for a penis to be welcomed in. Moving too quickly can make your muscles clench up and cause discomfort or pain, which could leave you too uncomfortable to continue. Which happens!

And that’s also no problem and no one’s fault, keep the dialogue open if you’re having a session with your partner as communication is one of the key components to fun anal play. Any time you need to take a breather or stop entirely should always be adhered too, as you know your body best and surrendering something so sensitive and intimate needs to be consensual. I waited 29 years to have anal sex with anyone as I wanted to wait to do it with someone who completely respected the pace I wanted to go at and who I could also trust would always consider my comfort and desire over or equally to their own. I didn’t wanna surrender my ass to no bum!

Lubricant is also the magic ingredient – for any penetration arguably - but particularly anal as the anus does not produce any of its own lubrication like the vagina does so be liberal in your application with both your toys, your partner and yourself for maximum comfort and pleasure.

I also find that physical contact with my partner – lots of kissing and touching all over my body, is key before the ass enters the equation. Fingers are always great too – fingering I feel is one of the most underrated forms of pleasure play still. Bring back fingering for everyone!

Upon the point of penetration, I would also recommend being a guiding force to your partner when angling the toy or their penis towards you, as sensations can feel different depending on your anatomy, the position in which you’re starting the penetration in and it might need a slight shift here and there before you engage.

And don’t feel like you have to go the full whack right away either, I’d instead recommend a slow engaging with the tip of the penis, then about a third, then maybe half before the whole shaft gets involved. Also, as much as it may not feel natural at first, breathing and relaxing then gradually pushing back onto the penis can really feel incredible – again importantly at your own pace!

Take breaks whenever you need and always call a halt if you want to stop entirely. The sense of letting go and surrendering yourself to another is powerful and no small deal. Own it. Become an ass goddess.

This blog post was written by one of our customers. This lovely customer used lockdown to prioritise pleasure - for those sessions that can require a more luxurious amount of time from the week's schedule. In celebration of this, she's written 'A beginner's guide to Sunday Bumday' which shares her experience and tips for an indulgent celebration of anal playtime with a partner.