This is our beginners guide to buying your first strap-on.

Buying your first strap on, especially when both partners are total beginners and have never tried strap-on play before, can be mind-boggling.

Whilst the thought of trying strap-on sex for the very first time is probably making you dizzy with excitement, it might also feel a bit scary.

• Will you like it?
• Will your partner like it?
• Will you be able to operate it?
• Will you feel silly or miss your target?
• So much could go wrong!

Choosing the right strap-on is key to ensuring your first time is a hot experience, so grab a cuppa and settle down to read our advice below, as well our strap on advice & dildo advice pages, before you rush into something you're not properly prepped for.

We Don't Recommend All-In-One Strap-Ons

One-Size Strap-On Doesn't Fit All

Which is why we hand-pour over 30 different sizes and shapes of silicone dildos in a range of lovely colours and unique marbling effect.

 

We also handmake several types of strap-on harness, most in a range of different colour leathers. This gives you a fully bespoke choice, as well as the opportunity to show individuality in your strap-on style.

 

But - faced with so much choice, strap-on newbies often feel overwhelmed, which is why we created our popular strap on kits.

Strap-On Kits Make Shopping Easy

We've advised thousands of first-time strap-on buyers at our shop and from that experience, we've created strap-on kits which are ideal for beginners as they contain everything you need for your first adventures in strap-on sex.

• Each kit contains a best-selling silicone dildo and strap-on harness, plus water-based lube & toy cleaner.

• Strap-on kits save money on buying separately.

• Because you are buying separates, rather than something fused together, it means that if and when you want to up-size or down-size the dildo, you can still wear the new tool with the harness you've already got.

Don't be a Size-Queen When Buying Your First Strap-On

If you prefer to buy separately, here's our advice to getting it right and making your first forays into strap-on sex a sweet success.

• The biggest mistake peeps make when buying a first strap-on is buying a dildo that is too big.

• If anything puts a lover off strap-on sex, it's having an enormous dildo making its way towards them. Trust us on this.

• If the receptive partner is a strap-on virgin, whether for vaginal or anal sex, don't be afraid to think small.

Do You Choose the Dildo or the Harness First?

• For most strap-ons, it doesn't matter which way round you choose your first kit; chose the harness first and then add a dildo...or choose the dildo first and then add your harness. Same difference.

• If you do want your harness to hold (now or in the future) a large or extra large dildo, choose the dildo first and then choose a compatible harness as some harnesses hold bigger and heavier dildos more securely.

Buying Your First Dildo

• Width is the most important measurement to get right. If you've been having sex with your fingers, use a tape measure to assess the right girth.

• When a dildo is in a strap-on harness, you can always control how deep it goes, but one that is too wide is likely to be uncomfortable.

• Depending on your size, once you slip a dildo into a harness, up to a couple of inches of 'useable' dildo-length can be lost. For this reason, it's better to opt for a slightly longer dildo than you might think.

• If you and/or your partner are curvy, your tummies can get in the way, so definitely opt for a longer dildo.

• Use the filters in the dildo section to narrow down dildo choice for length and width.

• Whilst the turn-on for the strap-on operator is mostly mental and visual rather than physical, using a vibrating dildo will buzz on their crotch, which can make them orgasm whilst wearing a harness.

For lots more advice on choosing your first dildo, please read our How to Choose Your First Dildo Guide.

 

Choosing Your First Harness

Harnesses with straps that divide between the legs are our best-selling styles, the 2 Strap Harness,  Corset Strap On & Super Strap On being the top three.

• Dividing straps means there's no passion-killing pause whilst the strap-on operator takes off the harness to receive some action for themselves - in other words, it's access all areas!

• This style means the strap-on operator can enjoy a second dildo in the harness by using dual dildo adaptor.

• Most of our harnesses have a wide amount of size adjustability in each size which means even partners who are quite different in size can usually share the same harness.

• If you are in doubt about sizes, opt for the smaller.

• Harnesses with wide backs like the Corset & Super are the most supportive for larger, heavier dildos.

For lots more advice on choosing your first harness, please read How to Choose & Put on a Strap On Harness

Strap-On Essentials & Extras

• Lube enhances all strap-on sex. Even if the reciever is as wet as Niagara Falls, adding water-based lube (don't use silicone lube with a silicone dildo as it can damage the surface over time) ensures that there will never be any unsexy 'drag' or chafing (your vagina or anus aren't areas you want chafing!)

• Lube is essential for anal and pegging play, and we recommend a thicker anal lube for this. Lubes made for anal play has the staying power that is required for the slow pace that is key to sensual, pain-free anal sex.

• Toy cleaner makes for quick and easy dildo clean-up. Getting an itch in the ditch due to a dusty dildo is no one's idea of sexy.

• Wearing a strap on for the first time, or seeing your partner wearing one, can make for surprising reactions. Be prepared for anything from awkward shyness to fits of giggles.

• If you are very shy and think this may inhibit you, a blindfold worn by the receiving partner is a great way of keeping you both in the moment.

Strap-On Tips for Beginners

• Warm-up with some manual and oral action before getting down with a strap-on. Make sure there's lots of build-up before moving onto penetration.

• Leave some lights on. You need to see what you're doing, and especially where you're aiming!

• Even with the lights on, use your hand to guide the dildo into the right place - don't expect it to find where it's going just by thrusting your hips.

• Keep checking that your dildo is still where it should be. When you're excited and thrusting, it's easy for the dildo to slip out and you find yourself thrusting into thin air (this happens to everybody so don't worry about it). A newbie recipient may not have the confidence to tell you you're missing the mark, so it's up to you to check.

• Try lots of different positions and places; the stairs, kitchen table, up against a wall. Mixing it up is hot!

• Strap-on sex can be simply all about fulfilling the penetrative appetite of your partner or it can be about fantasy and role-play. It's important to know the difference and be mindful of what's appropriate. It may be your fantasy, but is it theirs? Talk about fantasies before you play.  It's the only way to know that telling a partner to 'suck my c**k' is going to go down well...

• Most vulva-owners need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. So don't ignore the clit. Use your hands or guide your partners hands down to take care of business themselves. Or - our favourite - add a vibrator to the mix!

• Keep communication open and consent enthusiastically ongoing, keep checking in with each other.

Browse strap-ons here!