Hello, I'm looking for advice. I've been procrastinating messaging you over embarrassment but I am reading Dr. Karen Gurney's 'Mind the Gap' and trying to overcome this!
I'm a 25-year-old cis female. I've never masturbated or used a vibrator before and am looking to get one. What would you recommend? I've grown up with the message that masturbation is shameful, so I am trying to change this but am not sure where to start! My clitoris is quite sensitive, so I know I prefer indirect stimulation. Thanks in advance.
Hello there,
Thank you for contacting us :)
Please don't feel embarrassed, this is something we hear about daily - the majority of women (including us) weren't brought up to embrace our genitals and all the fun we can have with them. BUT - the good news is that you've started the journey!
Orgasm Course for Women
First off, we’d recommend you take a look at our Becoming Orgasmic course. For women and vulva-owners who want to learn more about their potential for incredible pleasure, this course is designed to encourage self-pleasure and exploration and help you gain a better understanding of how your body works.
Lube for Masturbation
Lube can make a huge difference when it comes to comfort, pleasure, and overall enjoyment, whether you’re exploring solo or with a partner. Many people think lubricant is only necessary in certain situations, but in reality, adding lube can enhance sensation, reduce friction, and make touch feel smoother, softer, and more pleasurable. For beginners especially, it can help make exploring your body feel more comfortable and relaxed.
When using sex toys, lube can also help vibrations and other sensations feel more enjoyable against sensitive areas like the clitoris and vulva. Even a small amount can completely change how a toy feels, allowing it to glide more easily over the skin and helping you experiment with different kinds of stimulation without discomfort or irritation.
For most people and most toys, a good water-based lubricant is the easiest and safest place to start. Water-based lubes are body-friendly, easy to clean, and compatible with condoms as well as silicone sex toys. They’re also widely available and come in a variety of textures, from silky and lightweight to thicker, cushier formulas.
It’s important to avoid using products like Vaseline, baby oil, or other oil-based household products internally, as they aren’t designed for vaginal use and can upset the body’s natural balance or increase the risk of irritation and infection. Some oils can also damage condoms and certain toy materials. Choosing a body-safe lubricant designed specifically for sexual wellness is usually the best option for both comfort and safety.
Most importantly, lube isn’t a sign that something is “wrong” or that someone isn’t aroused enough. Bodies naturally vary, and factors like stress, hormones, medication, hydration, or simply personal preference can all affect natural lubrication. Using lube is simply about making pleasure feel better - and for many people, it can turn a good experience into a great one!
Great Starter Vibes for Masturbation
Lay-on vibes are fantastic starter toys because they’re designed to feel approachable, comfortable, and easy to use. Unlike more intense or highly targeted vibrators, lay-on vibes are made to rest gently against the body, delivering broad sensations that many beginners find less overwhelming.
Their compact size and ergonomic shape also make them especially beginner-friendly. Most lay-on vibes fit naturally in the palm of your hand, making them simple to hold, position, and experiment with. Because they’re designed for external stimulation, they’re a great way to explore pleasure and discover what kinds of touch and vibration feel best without needing to worry about penetration.
Another reason lay-on vibes make such good starter toys is their versatility. Many feature flexible or uniquely shaped tips that can shift between softer, all-over stimulation and more focused sensations depending on how you hold or angle them. This allows beginners to experiment with different types of pleasure at their own pace, from teasing caresses to more direct clitoral stimulation.
Bullet Vibrators For Self-Pleasure
Bullets are often one of the best starter toys for peeps who are new to vibrators. Their small size, simple design, and approachable look make them feel far less intimidating than larger toys, while still offering plenty of pleasurable sensation. Bullets are easy to hold, easy to use, and versatile enough to experiment with different kinds of touch and pressure.
Another reason bullets make great beginner toys is that they’re designed primarily for external stimulation, especially for the clitoris. Since most people with vulvas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, a bullet can be an accessible and effective way to explore pleasure without feeling overwhelmed. The focused vibrations also make it easier to learn what kinds of sensation feel good, whether that’s light teasing, steady pressure, or more intense vibration.
Bullets are also incredibly beginner-friendly when it comes to practicality. They’re usually discreet, quiet, travel-friendly, and often more affordable than larger vibrators.
Perhaps most importantly, bullet vibrators encourage curiosity and experimentation. Because they’re uncomplicated and low-pressure, they can help people build confidence, learn about their bodies, and discover what kinds of pleasure they enjoy at their own pace.
Finger Vibrators for Sensual Solo Play
Finger vibes are another brilliant starter toy, especially for anyone who wants something simple and easy to use. Because they slip directly onto your finger, they feel like a natural extension of touch, making them a great option for people who are curious about vibrators.
Their small size and straightforward design make finger vibes especially approachable for beginners. Rather than feeling bulky or overwhelming, they allow users to explore vibration in a familiar, hands-on way. This can make experimenting with pressure, movement, and different types of stimulation feel much more intuitive and comfortable.
Finger vibes are also wonderfully versatile. They can be used to enhance manual stimulation, tease external erogenous zones, or add an extra layer of sensation during partnered sex. Because they’re lightweight and easy to control, they’re ideal for anyone who wants to explore pleasure gradually and discover what kinds of sensations they enjoy most.
We hope these tips are helpful - have fun exploring! xx
