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Q&A: Never Had an Orgasm

Q&A: Never Had an Orgasm

Dear Sh!
I am 27 and my fiance is 35. We have been together for 3 years. I have always complained to him that I have never enjoyed sex with him and this is leading to a painful stop in our relationship.

My problem is that I have never had an orgasm in my life before because I don't know how to achieve it and it's really hurting. I implore that you help me "move" out of this situation and save my relationship for me.

Hi there, 

Many thanks for getting in touch.

We're so pleased you have taken the first step in addressing your sexual needs. As you acknowledge, a lack of fulfilling or enjoyable sex can harm a relationship, no matter how close you might be with your partner in other ways.

Before anything else, we'd recommend booking yourself in for a check-up. Pain during sex is not conducive to pleasure. It could be something simple, like needing more time to become aroused. Or, it could be something more serious, like Vaginismus, which needs to be investigated.

Try not to worry about never having had an orgasm.

You are not alone. Never having experienced an orgasm is very common. 

We've advised thousands of pre-orgasmic women over the 30+ years we've been in business. Many of these women who'd never had an orgasm later contacted us to tell of their success :) 

The first step is learning how to do it on your own. 

We have lots of useful masturbation advice here, in case you need some inspration. 

Many women achieve their first orgasm with a vibrator.

The majority of women (about 75%) need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. 

Clit vibes are small and generally easy to use. These vibrators have been designed to deliver thrills to the clitoris and surrounding area. 

A light blue clitoral vibrator mini wand in light blue


We'd also advise getting a bottle of lubricant. Lube enhances sensations and delivers an uber-sexy glide to all play. 

Using lube makes penetration more comfortable and less likely to cause you pain. This is a fab tip for intercourse with your partner. Play with the lube and drizzle some onto each other's sexy bits before penetration. 

Being on top can make it easier to orgasm during penetration. 

The woman-on-top position is fantastic for clitoral stimulation during penetration. Grind your clit against your fiance's pubic area, or use your fingers to stroke your clitoris as you rock and ride. This gives you the stimulation you need, and it's a hot visual for him!

Doggy-style sex is perfect for G-spot stimulation if your G-spot is receptive to pressure and strokes.

Learning how to pleasure yourself is a healthy step to understanding your sexuality. But, the relationship and shared sex life ultimately need to be nurtured by both of you.

Making sexual exploration a fun part of your sex life can be exciting and rewarding for both partners. Try to make your sex session last longer with more warm-up time to touch, massage, kiss and connect.

Ultimately your partner will need to be involved in the discussion about your sex lives, as he needs to know when you are enjoying sex or if it is hurting you.

We wish you both the very best.

Team Sh! xx

Read more orgasm advice here. 

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