Hey, so I don't really know if I have a problem, but I didn't know who to ask. I think I sext too much. Like I sext my SO when we're in the same house. It's not like we don't have sex, we do and it's good, but sometimes I feel like I'm sexting instead of having sex and I don't understand why I want this so much. My SO hasn't said anything yet, I think he enjoys it, but I worry that he's going to get bored with this or start feeling like our real sex life isn't enough.

What should I do? How do I know if I'm sexting too much?

Am I Sexting Too Much?

This is such an interesting question!

Sexting has become a big part of how many of us express our desires, especially in long-term relationships where keeping that spark alive takes a bit of creativity.

From what you've shared, it doesn't sound like your sexting habit is hurting your relationship - in fact, it sounds like it might be adding extra spice! You're still enjoying physical intimacy with your partner, and it sounds like he’s into the playful messages too.

What is it about sexting that excites you?

The fantasy aspect of sexting can make it easier to say or do things we might feel uncomfortable expressing out loud.

• Do you find it easier to express your fantasies or desires through text?
• Does it give you a sense of freedom or anonymity that feels exciting?
• Is it about control, anticipation, and playfulness, or maybe all three?
• Does it create a little secret world just between the two of you?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sexting - especially if it feels empowering, sexy, and fun. But if you’re feeling unsure or if it's starting to feel like a substitute for real-life intimacy rather than an enhancer, that’s worth exploring.

Have a conversation

Communication is key to great sex and great sexting. Try bringing it up with your partner in a low-key way. You might say something like, "Hey, I love how hot our sexting is - I just want to make sure you’re still into it too. I sometimes wonder if I’m overdoing it."

Chances are, he’s enjoying it as much as you are, but checking in never hurts, and it might even open the door to some exciting new ideas.

Looking for sexy new ways to play?

You mentioned feeling like you're sometimes sexting instead of having sex. Perhaps this is your cue to blend the two?

For example:

• Could you try starting with sexting and letting it build into real-life play?
• Would you be up for exploring the pleasures of app-controlled vibrators that he can activate remotely? If the thrill of catching him off guard is what excites you, imagine getting that same buzz - literally - at his command!
• Many peeps are turning to digital tools, like this interactive all-in-one AI sexting app (yes, really!) that creates dynamic, responsive conversations tailored to your desires. You could even sext the app for solo pleasure when you're in the mood, but want something different - a safe, private outlet that’s all about your fantasies...

If sexting is enhancing your relationship, connecting you to your partner, and making you feel sexy, then no, you’re not doing it too much. But if it ever starts to feel like a substitute for something you're craving in real life, that’s your cue to pause and reassess.

You get to define what’s “too much” based on how it makes you feel and how it fits into your relationship. And with open communication, a dash of creativity, and a little tech (if you’re into it), you can keep things feeling exciting without overthinking it.

(And yes — always double-check that contact before you hit send!)

With love & sexty winks,

Team Sh! xx