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Q&A: I Can't Orgasm

Q&A: I Can't Orgasm

Dear Sh!

I have never been in a sex shop and I have no experience about sex toys. I started few days ago looking for some information about them in internet and I found your nice website. Actually I'd like to buy a rabbit vibrator, because I read many reviews written by very satisfied women. I'd prefer not made up of jelly, because I would like not to use condom on it, but not too expensive.

Anyway, before giving me any suggestion, you must know my "story". I am 28 years old, I have a boyfriend for more than 4 years and, unfortunately I have never been able to reach orgasm with a man (only 2 or 3 clitoral orgasms).

This is why I changed some partners before my actual one, with whom I started to have fake orgasms. I know, I would like to tell him the truth, but after so many years it's very difficult and I'm afraid to loose him! He is lovely and he pays much attention on my pleasure but... I don't know what's wrong.

Furthermore I must admit that I can't reach orgasm with masturbation too. I have pleasure, but I don't come. I know that till now my story is quite common but...the most surprising fact is that, even if I can't have orgasm during sex or masturbation, I have them when I feel very scared or in a hurry, and without any stimulation at all!

It's long time that I'm thinking to try with a vibe, but I've always postponed. You are the first person to whom I have ever told these things. Thank you for your listening to me and for any suggestions you can give me.

Hi there,

Thanks for getting in touch and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Can't orgasm

We must admit to feeling unsure when you say you have easy orgasms when 'scared, in a hurry or without any stimulation.' 

We wonder if the feeling you get is actually a climax? It's difficult to say, as we can't feel what you are experiencing. Learning to orgasm is usually a process; of relaxing and being present in the moment. We'd suggest exploring the sensations you get from relaxed, uninterrupted self-pleasure and see if it feels different from the hurried climaxes.

Rabbit vibrators have given more women more orgasms than any other vibrator, so it's a good choice for learning to have more guaranteed orgasms.

a purple rabbit vibrator with metal beads in he shaft


We’d recommend taking time to play with your toy by yourself first. This allows you to figure out what you like without needing to fake an orgasm with your partner. Switch off the phone, have a relaxing bath or maybe a glass of wine. Sexy fantasies are also very helpful for building arousal and staying in the moment.

Lube designed to increase blood flow

We always recommend using lubricant for both solo and couples' play.

ID Pleasure Lubricant is designed to help increase blood flow which increases sensitivity. The water-based formula combines sensation-enhancing ingredients Ginko Bilboa, Red Clover and Menthol to create a sensually smooth lube that increases pleasure.

We‚Äôd also suggest paying attention to your breathing when turned on. Many women hold their breath as they get close to coming, which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn‚Äôt... Try taking short rapid breaths as you become aroused ‚Äď much like you breathe when nervous or in a hurry - perhaps¬†this¬†is the magic key to your orgasms? It may take longer to build up to orgasm while breathing this way, but worth trying to see how it works for you.

Take your time

For many women, learning to orgasm with a partner is also about not worrying about taking too long. Whether alone or with a partner, once 'elusive orgasms' become more 'definite orgasms,' the worry blocking your orgasms will disappear and thus make orgasm easier!

We hope this helps!

Best Wishes,

Team Sh! xx

Read more orgasm advice here. 

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