Introducing the idea of playing with a sex toy together can be a daunting experience, especially if you’re unsure how your partner may take to the suggestion.
But you have every reason to persevere.
Whether a sex toy specially designed for couples, a simple vibrator or something more adventurous like an anal or kinky toy, introducing and playing with sex toys together can add a whole new dimension to your relationship.
Our dos and don’ts:
- Don’t whip out a sex toy in bed
- Do use words that involve your partner
- Don’t delve into your past sex-toys
- Don’t be single-minded about the sex toy you want to play with together
- How to buy your sex toy – together or as a pressie?
Sex toys can be a great way to explore all the different kinds of pleasures you can experience together, as a couple.
Learning this creates fantastic building blocks for a long and exciting sex life together.
For long-term lovers, playing with sex toys can rekindle the fun and spontaneity that may have become lost in the routine in daily life. And the simple fact is that most women find it difficult or impossible to orgasm through penetration alone. Sex toys, especially those that vibrate, can help.
Getting excited about playing with sex toys with your partner is stage one. Now all you have to do is introduce the idea in a way that excites your partner too.
If you’re confident your partner will be totally up for the idea of playing with sex toys – no problem – simply browse together and choose away!
Here’s our advice if you’re unsure how your partner will react to the idea of playing with sex toys as a couple.
The most important thing is to go gently because hurt feelings or bruised egos are real passion killers. Your partner mustn’t be made to feel inadequate, insecure or threatened by the idea of a sex toy.
A toy may just be a toy, but you need to ensure that the message is only positive and cannot be mistaken as a comment on any dissatisfaction of your sex life.
Don’t just whip out a sex toy in bed!
Not unless you’re 100% confident of a partner’s delighted response.
In bed, or during or just after sex, might seem like a natural time and place to have the conversation, but restrain yourself.
It’s probably safer to introduce the idea away from the heat of the bedroom but still within a warm, romantic situation like during a bath together…
Do use words that involve your partner.
You want the idea of playing with sex toys to be embraced with bated breath, not dashed with accusations of your dissatisfaction with your sex life together.
A tiny change of words could make all the difference!
”I would love it if we played with a…” (fill in the blank) expresses your togetherness and how much their pleasure is vital to your enjoyment.
Whereas: “I would love to play with a…” expresses a single-mindedness which may turn your partner off the idea altogether.
It’s natural to feel flustered or shy at the prospect of talking about sex toys.
If you feel nervous about starting the conversation, try nuzzling up close to your partner and whispering your desires in their ear. This will make you feel more confident (less voice-throwing and eye contact needed), plus you will be so close to them that they won’t even notice your rosy glow.
Embarrassment also can cause us to yammer uncontrollably or clam up completely, neither of which will help you hear their response.
Take a relaxing sip of wine and then a deep breath before you sidle up with your proposition…
Simple psychology means it’s often a very natural human response to be resistant to the idea of something new, so don’t push for a yes or no answer.
At this point, simply plant the seed…
Don’t delve into your past sex-toys!
Mentioning previous sex-toy encounters is surplus to requirements!
Your excitement will be infectious, and this will be your first time with them. Don’t dilute this excitement with what is history.
Relegate to past, too, any erstwhile toys that may be collecting dust under your bed. Second-hand sex toys may hold too much history for your current partner to swallow.
Don’t be single-minded about the sex toy you want to play with together.
Choosing the toy together makes it joint-ownership and so most likely to be embraced and enjoyed. In our experience, couples often get much more than an overflowing toy box when choosing their toys together.
How to buy your sex toy – together or as a pressie?
Choosing a sex toy together with your partner has many benefits, Simply browsing together opens up communication and intimacy.
Exploring the different sex toys available and reading about the best sex toys for couples gets partners giggling together. It helps to fire up imaginations and fantasies.
Sh! toys are sensual and playful – none of our toys feels like a ‘replacement’ which allows both partners to relax and explore the possibilities.
Having a ‘date’ in front of the Sh! website is a sexy way to discover all the toys and perhaps choose one together.
If you feel sure your partner is open to the idea of a sex toy, a birthday, anniversary or date-night is the perfect opportunity to buy your partner a sex toy gift
Like all gifts, a sex toy present should be about them. Make sure to choose something that you know will specifically appeal to them or a toy that’s designed primarily for their pleasure. You could say your gift comes in two parts: The actual toy, plus you using it on them!
A toy you can enjoy together would make the ideal gift, as this cements the toy firmly in joint-ownership to be played with and enjoyed together!
For women & vulva-owners:
A clitoral vibrator would be our first recommendation – something stylish and sensual, just like the person you’re buying the gift for!
If your partner is shy, they may feel self-conscious about being on the receiving end of such one-way pleasure, so just enjoy gifting the toy. Allow some personal time to explore it solo before you get involved in the fun.
For men & penis-owners:
A Tenga Egg makes a fabulously sensual prezzie. Designed to deliver a masturbatory treat in a quirky form, they simply crack open the egg to reveal a soft, stretchy sleeve with a stimulating interior. This top slips over the manhood to deliver a totally different kind of hand job!