It's not unusual to hear complaints about sex having gone stale in long-term relationships. With lots to pack into a day, many of us are guilty of putting sex last on our to-do lists. It's easy to slip into the oldie-but-goodie position because we know it works and won't take too long - it's lukewarm but gets the job done. Before you know it, flirting, seduction, and eroticism are things of the past...
Does this feel familiar?
Reasons For Boring Sex
Common reasons for having boring sex are one or both partners struggling with low desire, feeling uncomfortable making the first move, or not enjoying the kind of sex the partner loves. Having boring sex fills a function but can leave you feeling unsatisfied.
We hope our tips below will help banish boring sex from your bedroom - you deserve fun, pleasure and orgasms!
Communicate!
Talking about sex can be super-awkward, but avoiding the discussion can be detrimental to your relationship. A good sex life requires good communication. We need to be able to verbalise when something doesn't feel pleasurable, but we also need to share what feels good and what we'd like more of...
The best time to talk about sex is out of bed. Not when you are about to do it, in the middle of doing it or have just finished doing it. A sober chat is very different from a tipsy chat, so while a glass of wine may calm nerves, any more can be unhelpful.
There is no need to launch into a long monologue about the boring sex you're having. Instead, talk positively about things you'd like to try or suggest small ways to improve intimacy.
Text messaging or emailing may work better for some couples if a face-to-face chat feels too confrontational. Give each other time and space to consider and respond, and be open to their desires being different from yours.
Ditch Foreplay
We bet that heading got your attention!
Ditching foreplay sounds controversial - but bear with us. Our recommendation is to ditch foreplay in favour of play.
Foreplay suggests that something comes after, i.e. the main. And the main is of course ( for straight couples) is penis-in-vagina. How about we remove the pressure to slot body part A into body part B and focus on pleasure instead? And pleasure equals play.
Play is a smörgåsbord of pleasurable delights to pick and choose from. Try a little bit here and there; see how you like it. Lips and tongues, fingers and hands, toys… Removing 'foreplay' opens the playground and encourages you to think bigger. Breaking the penetration routine is a top tip for exploring new sensations and getting excitement back.
Go back to basics: Re-learn how erotic touch can be. Re-discover erogenous zones. Find new ways to thrill each other!
Erotic Massage
A massage is intimate because it means using your hands to offer your partner's naked skin sensual touches. Make it extra special by using an indulgent massage candle. Massage candles burn at a body-safe temperature, making them safe - and erotic!
Play Games
A sexy game for couples is a good first step. Roll the dice and follow the instructions. Dice games require almost zero input but give maximum output. Win-win!
Get Sensual Together
A soft pom is sensual and offers both arousal and relaxation. Use it to stroke and tease. A pom or feather can be balanced with a leather glove for erotic play. Slip you hand into the glove and hold the pom with the other, then alternate sensations. This is guaranteed to wake up sleepy nerve-endings!
Try a pair of beginner's wrist cuffs or a satin blindfold to ramp up the heat. This allows your partner to slip into bliss, having to give themselves over to your administrations...
Toys to Banish Boredom
Choosing a sex toy together is a fun turn-on if you are both up for exploring toys. Using a sex toy together enhances intimacy and intensifies pleasure. Toys can open up communication and add spice and variety to your sex life.
Choose something easy to use if it's your first one. Make sure it's a product you'll enjoy playing with together - couples' sex toys come in various sizes and budget ranges, so we’ll have something that tickles your fancy.
Relight Your Fire
Light My Fire is a fun course for couples, full of tips and advice on how you can move into the kind of sex you want to have. Couples can take this online pleasure course together or separately, or you can do it by yourself and slip in your new moves when you want to offer a seductive surprise... *wink*
'Essential viewing for anyone wanting to enhance and future-proof their sex life. Lots of great ideas for enhancing fun, confidence and sensual play, both in and outside of the bedroom. Presented in engaging bite sized segments by the wonderful sex-positive Evie. As a Sexual and Relationship Therapist I highly recommend this course to penis and vulva owners alike.'
Aftercare & Checking In
Aftercare is a term most commonly used by the kink community, but non-kinky folks can learn a lot from this.
Rather than rolling over and going straight to sleep, take some time to check in with each other about the play you have just enjoyed together. Aftercare is a safe space to talk about what you liked and what you might like to do a bit differently next time. You might cuddle and have your favourite snacks.
