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Q&A: What Has Happened To My Sex Drive?

Q&A: What Has Happened To My Sex Drive? - Sh! Women's Store

Hi Sh!, 

I've been dating my boyfriend for a long time.To begin with, my sex drive was higher than his, to the extent that it was something we fought about. After a while, I stopped initiating sex so much and he also made some comments about my weight that knocked my confidence. Fast forward to now. We've recently moved, our lives have changed a lot, I'm very stressed at work and I've gained a little weight. So maybe it's not surprising that my sex drive has decreased but it weirds me out that it seems to have just gone completely. 

I don't masturbate at all. I'm not interested in having sex with anyone.The whole idea of having sex makes me feel gross. When we do have sex it's not good for me. Not good to mean that I feel nervous and anxious, I feel like I want to cry. I can't get wet, so I feel bad, which makes me more nervous, which makes sex uncomfortable because I'm not wet and...this is way too TMI, I'm sorry.

I'm at a loss. I still do find him attractive but... I just don't feel anything else. What is going on? How do I fix it?"

Hello there,

Many thanks for your email. We're sorry to hear you're experiencing such a tough time; it sounds like it's all a bit much.

It might be worth talking to a psychosexual therapist.

It sounds like your stress and anxiety over this are demolishing your libido. It might be worth trying to not have penetrative sex at all for a while, especially if it's causing you pain and anxiety and only increasing your sense of frustration and concern. Many women struggle with changes in libido throughout their lives.

Does your partner know how you feel? Having a heart-to-heart may seem daunting, but it can make a lot of difference.

Going back to basics is another way of connecting on a more romantic level. Holding hands, cuddling and maybe some sneaky kisses behind the bike shed. Think back to the first heady months when you got together and planned date nights. How about cooking a meal at home or going to the cinema, for example?

Medication can affect your libido

You don't mention any prescription medications. It's a well-known fact that contraceptives and anti-depressants can detrimentally affect moods and self-esteem and cause weight gain. If this is the case for you, we recommend speaking to your GP about switching to a different brand.


It's such a shame your partner took it upon himself to make negative comments about your weight instead of luxuriating in your new lush curves! 

If you feel a tad out of shape, you could try some fun exercises (emphasis on fun!) like belly dancing or Zumba. These are great ways of toning up without feeling like you are punishing yourself. Exercise is fantastic for stress-busting and can really help improve confidence too.

Feeling better about yourself is key here. What do you enjoy doing? Do more of those things!

Book a facial or a massage, or treat yourself to a new haircut. A night out with the girls is usually a good way of raising spirits (as well as downing some!). Long walks in the fresh air are another great way of blowing away mental cobwebs or, our favourite, spending a day in the sunshine for an additional dose of vitamin D.

Masturbation is a great mood-booster

Masturbating is a good step towards feeling better about sex and how you connect to your body. How about trying a fun vibrator to see if that helps kickstart the libido? Make sure to use plenty of lube for comfort and glide. 

For an additional zing in the genital area, you could try an enhancing product like ON Arousal Oil. This fantastic oil helps increase the blood flow to the vulva. This helps with arousal, which in turn makes you want more sex...

A box and bottle of arousal oil

Reading or listening to sexy stories erotica be very helpful  for getting the juies flowing. We recommend DipseaStories for some seriously hot stuff. 

We hope you feel better soon <3

Best Wishes,

Team Sh! xx

More sex tips here! 


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