Are you looking to deepen the connection with your partner and enhance your intimacy? Look no further than sensate focus! This powerful technique has been used by couples around the world to improve their relationships and experience greater satisfaction. In this blog post, we will explore what sensate focus is, how it works, and how you can incorporate it into your own relationship.
What is Sensate Focus?
Sensate focus is a therapeutic technique that involves focusing on physical sensations and pleasure in a non-sexual way. It was developed by Masters and Johnson, renowned sex therapists, as a way to help couples overcome sexual difficulties and enhance their sexual experiences. The goal of sensate focus is to increase intimacy, build trust, and improve communication between partners.
How Does Sensate Focus Work?
The practice of sensate focus involves setting aside dedicated time for intimate exploration with your partner. During these sessions, you and your partner take turns being the giver and receiver of touch. The focus is on experiencing and enjoying the physical sensations without any pressure to perform sexually.
By removing the goal-oriented aspect of sexual activity, sensate focus allows couples to slow down, be present in the moment, and truly connect with each other. It helps partners become more attuned to each other's needs and desires, fostering a deeper sense of intimacy and trust.
How to Incorporate Sensate Focus into Your Relationship
Ready to give sensate focus a try? Here are some steps to get started:
- Set aside dedicated time: Find a time when both you and your partner can relax and focus solely on each other.
- Create a comfortable space: Make sure you have a comfortable and private space where you can engage in sensate focus activities. Think blankets, pillows and candles. And put your phones away.
- Agree on boundaries: Discuss and establish clear boundaries and guidelines with your partner to ensure that both of you feel safe and comfortable throughout the process.
- Start with non-sexual touch: Begin by exploring each other's bodies through non-sexual touch. Focus on the sensations and the pleasure you experience. This can mean stroking each others faces, necks, arms or feet - any body parts you enjoy having touched.
- Gradually progress: As you become more comfortable, you can gradually introduce more intimate touch. Remember, the goal is to focus on the sensations and the connection, not on achieving orgasm. There may be genital massage if you have agreed on this, but it's not about coming to a fast climax. Savour the sensations.
- Communicate openly: Throughout the process, communicate openly with your partner about what feels good, what you enjoy, and any boundaries or concerns that may arise.
Using Sex Toys for Sensate Focus
Sensate focus is less about orgasms and more about experiencing sensations and taking time to enjoy play with your partner. With this in mind, you can still use sex toys if you like. Here are some favourite toys we like to incorporate for our own sensate focus sessions:
- Poms and feathers are sensual and playful. Anything soft feels amazing against naked skin, and these are perfect for starting out if you feel shy or awkward.
- Wartenburg Wheels look mean and painful, but they are excellent for waking up sensitive nerve endings. Roll gently along a collarbone or arm, and watch your partner shiver with sensual delight...
- Massage candles are a must-have for sensate focus. Light the candle and wait for some of the wax to melt into warm oil. Dip your fingers in the oil (it burns at a lower temperature, so no need to worry about burns) and stroke and massage over their back. It's wonderful for skin-on-skin touch - and it smells nice too!
- Popping mousse is lots of fun - like popping candy for naked skin! Squirt a generous amount onto your lover's skin and then let the sweet-smelling mousse snap, crackle & pop under your hands...
- Last but not least, finger vibrators are great for sensate focus. Slip the vibe onto your finger and trace the thrills down over their face, neck, chest and stomach. Work your way down to their feet, and then back up again...
Experience the Benefits of Sensate Focus
By incorporating sensate focus into your relationship, you can experience a range of benefits, including:
- Increased intimacy and connection
- Improved communication and understanding
- Enhanced sexual satisfaction
- Reduced performance anxiety
- Greater trust and emotional closeness
