Vaginismus is a painful condition that affects countless women & vulva owners. For those experiencing it, vaginismus can profoundly impact intimate relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being. This article explains what vaginismus is, how it develops, and what you can do to move past it.
What Is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a vaginal condition where the muscles around the vagina involuntarily contract or spasm whenever penetration is attempted. It can make vaginal insertion not only painful but also impossible. Vaginismus can occur during any activity requiring vaginal insertion, such as penetrative sex, gynaecological exams or tampon use.
Some sufferers can insert a pinkie finger but nothing else. Others can manage a smaller penis or dildo but not smear tests. For some, vaginismus is a constant companion, but for others, it's an occasional visitor.
- Primary vaginismus is the term used when a woman or vulva owner has never been able to manage vaginal penetration without difficulty or pain.
- Secondary vaginismus is the term for vaginismus developing after a period of pain-free penetration. Secondary vaginismus is commonly triggered by physical, emotional, or medical factors.
Who Can Develop Vaginismus?
Vaginismus can affect anyone with a vagina, regardless of age, sexual experience, or relationship status. It is not limited to straight women; it can also affect lesbian & bisexual women and trans folks with a vagina.
It can take longer to diagnose vaginsimus if you are someone who doesn't enjoy or want to try vaginal sex. In this instance, it might not show itself until you go for a smear test.
Common Causes of Vaginismus
Vaginismus often has more than one cause. It can develop from a combination of physical and psychological factors.
Physical Causes:
- Infections such as yeast infections or urinary tract infections (UTIs)
- Hormonal changes such as menopause, postpartum, or side effects of hormonal contraception (the pill)
- Painful conditions like endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease
- Injuries or surgeries affecting the pelvic region
Psychological & Emotional Causes:
- Anxiety or fear about sex or penetration
- Past trauma such as sexual abuse or assault
- Stress, depression, or relationship difficulties
- Cultural or religious beliefs about sex or virginity
Addressing the root cause of your vaginismus is crucial for effective treatment.
Treatment Options For Vaginismus
The treatment of vaginismus focuses on relaxing the pelvic floor muscles, overcoming fear or anxiety, and gradually enabling penetration. With professional help and a tailored approach, most can overcome their symptoms.
It's important to know that there are no shortcuts or quick fixes. Putting a date on healing vaginismus tends to cause more issues. We've had more than one customer who has begged us to 'fix' them in time for a planned sex date (on one occasion, the sex date was 3 days away). This isn't how the treatment of vaginismus works. It can take weeks, months or even years. And even if the issue seems to have been solved, it can resurface. Vaginismus is tricky like that.
We know this is demotivating, and we understand the desire for an easy solution, but healing takes time. Allow your body to take the time it needs.
Primary Treatments For Vaginismus
Treatment for vaginismus isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. It's also possible that you need to try a combination of things.
Pelvic Floor Therapy: Working with a pelvic floor therapist can help identify and relax the muscles involved in vaginismus through exercises, biofeedback, and manual therapy. Sometimes this involves hands-on treatment - i.e., the therapist touches around or inside the vagina to identify tense spots.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Addressing the psychological aspects of vaginismus, CBT helps re-frame negative thoughts about penetration and sexuality. This can be helpful if the vaginismus is caused by fear or past sexual trauma, for example.
Vaginal Dilators: These are shafts used to gently and progressively stretch and relax the vaginal muscles. By gradually increasing the size of the dilator over time, it's possible to eventually manage and enjoy penetration. (Remember, there are no quick fixes.)
Medications: Topical anaesthetics, hormonal creams, or other medication may be recommended based on the underlying causes of your pain.
How Successful Is Vaginismus Treatment?
Vaginismus treatment has a high success rate, with studies showing that up to 90-95% of diagnosed sufferers achieve significant improvement or complete resolve with consistent treatment. The key is patience, persistence, support, and finding the right combination of treatments for your needs.
We'd like to comment on persistence here. There will be times when you just don't feel like dilating, and that's perfectly fine. If you are experiencing stress in another area of your life, you may want to give your vagina a rest. You can carry on with vaginal dilation when you feel better.
What Are Vaginal Dilators and How Do They Help?
Vaginal dilators are shafts used to gently stretch the vaginal muscles. Dilators are used as part of a treatment plan, often combined with relaxation techniques (such as breathing exercises) to ease tension.
Dilators come in varying sizes. Typically, you start with the smallest dilator and advance to increasingly larger ones as you progress in your treatment.
You are not alone if you find the thought of using vaginal dilators intimidating. We have met so many women and vulva owners who find it tricky to get to the dilating part of their treatment. We paid close attention when our customers shared why they didn't want to use the dilators they had been given. More often than not, they said the dilators were 'too hard,' 'too blunt' or just plain 'scary.' We listened, and then we responded by designing a user-friendly set of vaginal dilators.
The Sh! vibrating dilators are handmade from soft silicone. They feature tapered tips for easier insertion and flexible shafts to lessen dilation-induced pain. Our dilators come with a tiny vibrating bullet that can help relax tense muscles and even - can you believe it! - offer pleasure. The Sh! dilators combine the benefits of gentle stretching with soothing vibrations to help relax the vagina and make the dilation process more comfortable.
The Sh! dilators can be purchased as a set in 4 sizes or individually if you don't need or want all four sizes.
We don't recommend self-diagnosing vaginismus, and we always advise speaking to your GP or therapist before ordering any dilators. Hopefully, they will give you instructions on how to use your dilators, but if not, contact us. We'll do our best to offer advice. (We know that not all patients receive helpful instructions - it's not uncommon to be told to 'just use your dilators,' but this isn't useful or specific enough.)
Vaginismus Online Communities & Peer Support
Living with vaginismus can feel isolating, but please know you’re not alone. Online communities and peer support groups provide a safe space to share experiences, learn from others, and find encouragement when you feel down. Connecting with others with similar experiences is empowering and talking openly about vaginismus helps reduce the stigma.
Websites like vaginismus.com (US) host forums for women & vulva owners with vaginismus. We haven't read their book so we can't rate it, but we think it's worth checking out their website.
We are huge fans of The Vaginismus Network in the UK. The VN gals understand how communication, information and understanding can be a great comfort. The occasional meet-ups are nothing short of life-changing.
Instagram & TikTok: Influencers and advocates often share relatable content and resources.
Reddit: Subreddits like r/vaginismus offer anonymous discussions and personal stories.
Private Facebook Groups: Many support groups provide a judgment-free space for members to connect.
Vaginismus Awareness website: Many of our customers have shared their vaginismus journeys on our sister site VaginismusAwareness.com. We recommend grabbing a cuppa, getting comfortable and reading the stories and browsing products like slim vibrators that can be used alongside or instead of vaginal dilators.
Taking the First Step Toward Healing
Have you been diagnosed with vaginismus, or do you think you may have it? Here's what you need to remember:
- You are not alone.
- One step at a time.
- Help and treatment are available - book an appointment with your doctor, gynaecologist or therapist.
- Overcoming vaginismus is possible with tools such as vaginal dilators and therapy.
- A vibrant vaginismus community is ready to support you on your journey toward healing and empowerment.
