'I recently purchased a new sex toy - specifically the Rabbit Vibrator from Sh! I'm in a really positive and healthy place with my dilating; I've tackled 'the beast' as the largest of the set is now known, and I'm finding that I experience pleasure pretty much every time I dilate and, therefore, I felt ready for something new'
These words come from Lisa Mackenzie, co-founder of The Vaginismus Network and also our wonderful friend. Lisa has come a long way in her personal Vaginismus journey, and we are delighted that she's happy to share her experience here. Back to you, Lisa!
Rabbit vibrator for Vaginismus
The Waterproof Rabbit seemed like a solid choice: not least because it has the ability to stimulate the clitoris while being inserted into the vagina (WIN!). And since I'm now really familiar with my dilators, it represented something different: girth. Though shorter in length than the beast, it's definitely different at the tip!
When I tried the Rabbit for the first time, I could barely get it into my vagina. Yet, in spite of this, it was both pleasurable (those little ears certainly help!) and relaxing. Essentially, it was a positive experience with something new.
Fast forward to my second go at using it when I managed to insert it much further, and yet felt... absolutely nothing!?
Let me tell you why: I had reverted back to my old pattern of absenting myself mentally as I tried to achieve a specific goal in relation to penetration. Sure it 'worked' but, spoiler alert: this isn't fun, and it isn't progress.
What is Vaginismus progress?
Progress for me is being able to recognise the differences in these two experiences and to understand that the latter isn't a healthy, positive option. I used to try to have penetrative sex in the same way, and I used to dilate like this too: Going through the motions with my body but sending my mind far away in an effort to prove that I was able to do something, despite how it made me feel - or didn't.
This is why what happened the first time was so much more powerful and important than the second experience of greater penetration. I believe that so many of us with vaginismus often go through the motions with penetration in mind as the ultimate goal. But what's the point if you're not enjoying yourself along the way? We wouldn't necessarily partake in other types of sex if we didn't enjoy them, and the same should apply to penetrative sex.
Having fun is way more important than getting it in!
Slim vibrators suitable for dilating
[Back to Sh!]
Lisa is quite right that fun is more important than getting it in.
When your body enjoys the sensations of play, the vagina naturally expands. This opens the vaginal canal, making it roomier and more welcoming to penetration. This, in turn, makes dilation a little bit easier.
Working on arousal is key. Trying to insert something (a finger, toy or penis) into an unaroused body never ends well. More often than not, this brings on pain. The brain remembers the pain and will naturally try to protect you from it - i.e. tightening the vaginal muscles. Before you know it, you are in a circle of pain.
We stock a selection of slim vibrators that can be used alongside or instead of vaginal dilators. If you are unsure, please call us on 03333 444 005, and we'll be happy to talk through the options.