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Q&A: My girlfriend only orgasms with a vibe

Q&A: My girlfriend only orgasms with a vibe

"Hello, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 9 months and she is only able to come using a vibrator. She tells me that she has had this problem for about 15 years, being unable to orgasm except with a vibrator ever since she got her first toy.

Although she enjoys sex a lot and gets very wet, she seems to be very desensitised and can't come unless she uses the vibrator on her clit. I'm no sexpert but I've not had this problem with previous girlfriends. I have a physio friend and she recommended asking you for advice. Is there anything you think would be helpful? Thanks!"


Thanks for getting in touch!

This is a common question. In fact, it's probably the most common question we get!

It isn’t unusual for women to find it difficult to orgasm, with a partner or by themselves. Around 75% (the majority) of women need continuous clitoral stimulation in order for an orgasm to happen. A vibrator oscillates at around 200 oscillations per minute. This is, much faster than a finger, tongue or penis ever could, and it’s this reliable stimulation that helps tip her over the edge.

Try to avoid putting pressure on her to “perform” – it’s irrelevant if your previous partners have found it easy to climax without a vibrator. She is unique, and her responses are unique. Instead, see her favourite vibrator as a tag team partner. Incorporate vibrations into your play, and see where that takes you!

Vibrators for couples

We don't view being unable to orgasm without a helping hand from a favourite vibe as a "problem." Many women need up to an hour of continuous stimulation to orgasm, which can be tiring for all involved. A buzzy friend helps cut down on this time - and it can help the orgasm become more intense too!

There are many excellent couples vibrators on the market. We-Vibe Unite, for example, is fantastic for evening out the orgasm gap. A wearable couples vibrator, Unite's body-hugging design delivers hands-free extra stimulation to both partners, and she'll get the vibration she needs to orgasm during penetration.

A c-shaped vibrator in purple silicone, next to a white plastic remote control.

A vibrating cock ring can also be a fantastic buddy in bed. The ring is worn around the base of the penis, and the wider, vibrating pad is for her to grind her clitoris against. We recommend woman-on-top positions when using cock rings, as this means she can rock & roll her hips against the delicious vibrations in all the ways that she likes bst.

Intercourse positions for orgasms

Many women find they can only come in certain positions so we’d recommend experimenting with positions that work really well for her. Some women need to be on top so they can control the depth and speed of penetration, others prefer the CAT alignment position where the partner's pelvic bone rubs against her clit. Play around and try to replicate the position she likes to masturbate and orgasm in.

We hope this helps!


Team Sh! xx

Browse all our fun couples vibrators here!

If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately. We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you.


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