Oral sex is one of the most reliable ways to orgasm for all genders. It's also an immensely intimate way to connect with your partner.
But oral can also be a source of frustration or dare we say it - boredom – if, as the giver, you feel overworked and under-appreciated or as the receiver, you feel under-stimulated and underwhelmed!
But before we get to all that, what can you do if you're always the one getting your lips busy dishing out oral left, right, and centre but your partner doesn't reciprocate?
'My partner won't go down on me'
You need to have an open, honest and non-judgemental chat with each other to find out what’s going on...
Having a conversation can feel awkward, we know, but it is much better than allowing frustration and insecurities to flourish. Pick a time and place you feel really close and try not to use language that feels accusatory.
Spooning is often a good position to bring up conversations that might feel difficult, because it's intimate and whispery. Also because you're not looking into each other's eyes, it can help remove embarrassment.
There could be a whole heap of reasons why your partner isn't into oral ( we talk about some possible reasons and solutions below) but if after you've talked, oral is something your partner simply does not enjoy performing, then you need to respect that.
Clit-owners will can take matters into their own hands and get busy with a suction vibrator, which kinda replicates a very intense oral sex sesh anyway, and penis owners could try a masturbator, which, when well-lubed and warm, we are reliably informed can feel like a mouth...
Both will feel far more pleasurable than being on the other end of grin-and-bare-it cunnilingus or gritted-teeth fellatio, we promise!
Not keen on the taste of oral sex?
Going down whist in the shower is a great way of diluting the taste and also ensuring that the recieving partner can feel relaxed about how fresh they are 'down there'.
Flavoured lubes are also a brilliant way to add a taste that you/they DO like.
Build oral sex confidence
Without you letting them know, how can your partner be confident in knowing what you like? It's obvious of course, but many a sex session doesn't score 10/10 because of this idea ( fallacy;) that we all should somehow 'just know' what we are doing or what our partner loves...
You don't need to give out an oral step-by-step manual, but you can suggest they move their attention a little higher, lower, to the left, or to the right, or to go firmer, softer, faster or slower…
You can do this with words or by moving your body, or by *gently* guiding their head. When they are getting it right, let them know with encouraging gasps and groans or by clearly affirmative 'yes!'s!
If you find yourselves coming from completely different continents on this, then have an honest, yet careful, conversation afterward. Remember, it’s a sensitive subject to comment on someone’s sexual skills or tendencies and you don’t want to cause any lingering insecurities.
Keep your words positive, with phrases like 'I would love you to focus on my ............ more', 'wouldn’t it be hot if you used your fingers too?' rather than 'I don’t like it when you.....' or 'why don’t ever ......'
This way, everyone is happy – and keen to experiment with their newly discovered hints and tricks.
There's not only one element to oral sex.
You don’t need to dive straight in with the tongue. Be creative and create a build-up – you want your partner to really, really want it. Start with an all-over body massage and slowly work your way down. The more turned on they are, the more exciting it will be for both of you.
Sensuous massage can be taken to the next level with aphrodisiac massage set , which includes oil and a feather to tickle and tease, and pearls lust massage set, which includes a massage gel, a thread of pearls to add a unique massaging sensation anywhere on the body.
Try the oral sex alphabet trick
A great cunnilingus tip, especially if you havent figured out a sure-fire orgasm route, is to run through the alphabet, writing out each letter with your tongue. This can also be done on the glans ( the head of the penis), which is one of the most sensitive spots on the penis. Rather than flailing around with your mouth / tongue, unsure where to go/do next, running through the alphabet gives direction and a destination. Listen out for those affirarative gasps, moans or 'yessss' on any particular letters and store up the information to concentrate on those in your next oral sex session.
Switch up oral sex positions
This should be needless to say but there’s more than one position in which to experience the delights of oral play. So rather than just lying back, or climbing on, get creative and see what works for your different body-types and comfort-levels. Necks are prone to getting stiff in many of the more 'traditional' cunnilingus positions and this is where a well-placed pillow is useful. Placing a well-padded pillow under the small of the back, so the hips are tilted forward will give easier access-all-areas.
3 of the easier-on-the-neck oral sex positions are;
The ever-famous position to ensure simultaneous pleasure for both parties. Use pillows to raise each of your heads to make it super comfortable or try it lying on your sides, with upper legs crooked-up. 69 also has the added benefit of being a visual treat for both of you.
Sit and Kneel
Reciever sits on the edge of the bed, chair or even kitchen counter, hips tilted forward and the giver kneels before them.
Or make like Freddie Mercury and have a go at Queen-ing (aka face-sitting). It’s powerful and crazy sexy for both parties, a fab alternative if the giver has bad knees AND it allows the reciever to be more interative.
We could go on with these suggestions but you might as well look up a Kama Sutra instead...
Introduce toys to your oral sex tricks!
One of the sexiest things about giving oral sex is that one person is in complete control of another person’s pleasure. But this doesn’t mean that only one person needs to be stimulated. We have a range of remote-control vibrators - give your partner the remote whilst you go down on them and the moans coming from your mouth will add to their oral sex experience... A circle of pleasure, if ever there was one!
Or simply putting the recieving partner in a blindfold builds antictipation of your next move and heightens every sensation you dish out to your partner.
Have fun exploring all the oral ways to delight each other!