Hi Sh!
This probably sounds a bit weird and I'm a bit embarrassed, but I try to avoid going down on my partner. There is nothing wrong with them. Our sex life is fine overall, but I worry I'm not good at oral sex. I feel like I'm going at it forever, but they don't orgasm.
The other day, my partner hinted that they'd like me to do it more often, but I'm not confident about it. Can you help, please? How can I improve my oral sex technique?
Hey there, thanks for getting in touch!
Giving head can seem intimidating, but we hope our tips & tricks will help build your confidence. Boosting oral sex confidence starts with gathering information and building knowledge. How much do you know about genital hot spots, for example?
Let's start with a quick anatomy lesson.
You don't mention which kind of genitalia you have to work with, so we'll cover both.
Know Your Oral Sex Anatomy!
- Vulva & Vagina
The vulva is the outer part of the female body. This delightful area comprises the pubic area, the outer labia lips, the inner labia lips, the urethra, the clitoral hood and the external clitoris. Slightly further down lies the vaginal opening, the perineum and the anus.
The vulva and lips come in different shapes and colours, each uniquely individual. The vulva plumps up, fills with blood and grows darker during arousal.
Skene Glands swell in response to sexual stimulation and produce lubrication. For some people, Skene glands and Urethra stimulation may result in squirting.
The vagina (inside the vaginal opening) is the internal part, the canal that connects the opening with the uterus. Just inside, on the upper wall, lies the G-spot. The G-spot is a cluster of erectile tissue interconnected with the internal clitoris, which grows and becomes firmer during arousal.
Further in lies the A-spot and the C-spot, both highly responsive erogenous zones for women & vulva owners who enjoy deep penetration.
-Penis & Scrotum
The most apparent part of the male-bodied genitalia is the penis. The penis is a meaty shaft, longer or shorter, that fills with blood and grows firmer during arousal.
The tip of the peen (the head) is called the glans. This will be covered by the foreskin when the penis is flaccid unless the penis owner has been circumcised. At the back of the glans (the underside) lies the frenulum (aka the banjo string) and the coronal ridge. The coronal ridge is the rounded border at the base of the penis head, giving it its distinctive bell shape.
The scrotum hangs below the penis. The scrotum holds the testicles (occasionally only one, but usually two). Behind the scrotum lies the perineum and the anus. Inside the anus lie the prostate, or the P-spot.
Oral sex positions
There are many different positions for enjoying cunnilingus or fellatio - pick your favourite or the one you are most comfortable in.
Many people do it in bed, but sitting on a chair, or edge of the bed or laying on the floor also works. As does legs akimbo on the kitchen work surface!
The important thing, especially if you are in for a long session is that you can both relax and get into the pleasure without fatigue or sore knees or aching backs.
We recommend having pillows and cushions to elevate hips or make necks comfortable, especially if you're in for a long session - yep, H&S belongs in the bedroom too!
Lube for oral sex
You might assume that natural body juices and saliva are enough for a sexy going-down session, and sometimes it is. But, we recommend always having a bottle of lube and a glass of water (with ice cubes) within reach. Lube makes all sex smoother and more sensual, and water rehydrates you during what can be a long session.
Water-based lube with a thinner formula is the perfect pick for oral sex. Silicone-based lube is super-slippy and long-lasting but can feel funny in your mouth.
Flavoured lube is a fun oral sex addition, especially if you aren't massively keen on the scent or taste of genitals (there's no rule that says you have to be).
- A penis has a faint odour of Eau De Dick about it. It's a mix of musk and sweat and is rather pleasant for a cock-connoisseur.
- A pussouir smells deliciously fresh, but diet, arousal or ovulation can change the scent slightly. This is normal.
Enthusiasm is key for great oral sex!
Enthusiasm is so important when it comes to oral sex; it's half the pleasure! And with such a close, intimate act, it's easy to for a receiving partner to feel insecure - let your partner know how much you love feasting on them...
Yummy noises ('mmmm'!) and moans are all great ways to keep the arousal building and let them know you are having a fabulous time. Like, their pussy or peen is the best treat ever! It may seem a bit silly at first, but try it.
Cunnilingus - oral sex on a vulva
Grab a ripe piece of fruit like a peach, mango or papaya. Cut it in half so you get a juicy 'vulva.' This is going to be your practice puss :)
Advice tends to be to write the alphabet on the clitoris, but steer clear of this. You'll focus on making shapes, and the receiver won't get the continuous stimulation that may tip them over the edge into orgasmic bliss.
Start with some lube, a wet tongue and lips. Easy does it - go gently. An oral sex sesh is long and luscious. You need stamina for cunnilingus!
Here are some oral sex techniques for you to try:
- Long licks up and down
- Clockwise circles around the vulva and clit
- Counterclockwise circles
- Licking side to side
- Pulsating in one spot
- Experiment with different rhythms, pressures and motions
- Dipping the tip of your tongue into the vaginal opening
Licking your partner is different from licking a piece of fruit, and there are a few points to remember once you are ready to go down on your lovely.
Gently open the labia lips so for access to all the juicy bits. Start slow and build up to a steady rhythm. Experiment with positions and tongue techniques to see what your lover likes best. Don't go harder or faster until they ask for more.
Also, if you need to stick your tongue out to get to the vulva, you’re not close enough. Cunnilingus involves your whole face, so get in there!
Fellatio - oral sex on a penis
'Blow jobs' is a bit of a misnomer. Apparently, the colloquial term started as 'below job' - below the belt. There can be some gentle blowing, but fellatio is generally more about kissing, licking and sucking.
Again, pick something suitable to practice on. We recommend using a cucumber, courgette or dildo of a comfortable size. Wash and cover your chosen 'cock' with a condom. We like the Pasante Taste condoms - they are surprisingly tasty!
Here are a few of our favourite moves:
- Rub wet lips over the glans
- Kitten licks with the tongue tip
- Lick the frenulum and urethral opening
- Long ice cream licks with a flat tongue
- Put the tip on your tongue and take it into your mouth
- Suck on the glans
- Gently stroke and tug on the party bag (ball sack / scrotum) while you lick, kiss and suck on the glans & shaft
The aim of a blow job isn't taking the penis as deep as possible. Deep-throating is advanced and not for everyone. You can give amazing head without taking a dique deep into your throat.
Our Mindblowing Blow Job’s course is full of practical advice and tips for giving mind-blowing pleasure.
Whether your partner has a vulva or a penis, take your cues from your partner's body language. If their hips tilt forward, they want more! If their hips tilt away, stimulation is not quite right... Explore what gets their hips tilting towards you and do more of that!
Oral sex orgasms
Having orgasms can be tricky. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. It would be wonderful if we all had orgasms every time, but unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. We know folks who have orgasms from oral sex, and we know others who don't - but they still have a great time.
Does your partner want to orgasm when you go down on them? Or are they equally into the intimacy, sensations and pleasure you share? Ask them. Find out what they want, and then figure out how you can get there together. Include hands (theirs and yours), toys, and whatever else it takes to get them there. It takes two to tango, after all!
Great oral sex is about communication, understanding anatomy and being confident enough to laugh and move on if something goes wrong. Teeth can get in the way, or a stray pube can end up in your mouth - it's not a big deal. Deal with it and get back to the fun!
We hope this helps!
Best Wishes,
Team Sh! xx
