The beauty of a ‘novelty’ sex toy is in the clit of the beholder. Well, unless their favourite pleasure spot alternates from that of a clit. There are many types of novelties that a sex toy shop holds. A bit like the various cliques at school, we’ve categorised our favourite types of toys and gimmicks into separate categories for your perusal. Why? Because these are the toys that people fail to take seriously and we firmly believe they deserve your attention. Preach.
Unlike Joaquin Phoenix’s interpretation of them, the joker is ultimately described as the funny one of the group; the popular class clown. This is the one that commands your smirking attention. Sometimes you’ll stretch as far as a giggle. Often, however, after calling your mate over to ridicule them further, this is the point when you put the toy down and walk away. This is the moment you move onto more serious high buzzes (and low rumbles).
But, what about if you didn’t walk away this time? What if you actually took some time to appreciate its qualities? What would you get?
One of the best sides of a ‘gimmicky’ sex toy is that if you are a little squeamish or new around such items, the humour/cutesy factor can relieve some of these nerves. A fiery bullet is somewhat less intimidating when packed away in the form of a sweet, soft, pink macaroon. A (s)punky rubber duck takes your bathtub experience from zero to hero. If you have a dear pal who is petrified of rabbits, a rubber duck-slash-vibrator in the theme of the sub-culture of their youth could be a welcome way in.
Alternatively, there is the ice cream vibe. This - if we were biased, and we’re not - could be the star of them all. Waterproof and with a super strong high pitch buzz, it’s a good start. Add to that the various ways you can use it, the rounded ice-cream head for instance for stimulation of a wider surface area versus the pinpointed pleasure that the tip of the cone offers, it’s a truly divine toy... And just in case that wasn’t enough to prick up your <ears>, the retro-style packaging this vibe comes in actually plays a song!
The Tech. Heads
In the nerd's sector we place all the tech. heads. This is all the latest, hi-tech editions and updates of your favourite toys. It’s the Toy Story 4 you never knew you wanted. It’s Cher’s latest album. This is the category in which we place the wand attachments.
Take the latest additions to our selection, for instance, that are compatible with your Doxy 3 Wand. To start, in a sybaritic, shimmery sapphire blue, the clitoral stimulator attachment is so buttery soft to touch; you could be forgiven for thinking it was forged from the skin of cherubs. To use, untwist the usual head of the wand and replace with this. Pucker up as you select your favourite function and feel the flutters on your fairy…or your nipple, actually. It’s a great tickle for the nipple. If you own a penis, why not try the masturbating sleeve attachment. You'll be able to enjoy the inner grooves of the sleeve as the wand vibrations travel up it. Another option appears in the slick black rabbit attachment. It’s a similar level of soft, firm and will send those rumbly vibrations up where the sun doesn’t shine.
The outsider of the group, the sucker is a whole other breed of sex toy, like the Penguin below. Rather than a simple vibration or pulse setting that appears in any traditional type of sex toy, this is a whole new technology. An air pulse wave technology creates a “suction” motion (horribly unsexy word, incredibly sexy feeling) when pressed directly onto your clit, this new sensation is so much more than a fad. It’ll knock your bloody clit off if you’re not careful*.
If you want the luxury version, go for one of our Womanizer toys - who, despite their somewhat questionable brand name, you can thank repeatedly for bringing this newfound technology to life. They prefer to call it "pulse air wave technology", aka, suction. Seriously though, if this breed of toy was a religion, we would be its devout disciples.
*it definitely will not, but start on a lower intensity or speed level and work your way up; this is not the time to jump in at the deep end.