Why it happens & How to Cure it
"Lesbian bed death," for those not in the know, is when a lesbian couple stops having sex. We believe there are many different causes for lesbian bed death, not just the old myth that when two women get comfortable in their relationship, they take their antics out of the bedroom and into IKEA.
Not every sexual encounter has to entail wall to wall orgasms, but you do need to be able to get off to get the full benefit.
Lack of orgasms effects lesbians too
Anorgasmia, the inability to orgasm in medical terms, is more common than many think and, whilst we think not as common amongst lesbian couples as straight couples, is bound by statistics to effect women who have sex with women too.
We advise hundreds of women a year who've been sent to Sh! by their doctor or sex therapist and probably hundreds more who feel unable to “come out” about not being able to orgasm.
Scientific studies and surveys back this up, showing that a huge proportion of the female population find orgasm elusive; Some studies suggest 10-15% of all women never climax under any circumstances.
Many women need pretty intense and sustained stimulation of their clitoris to orgasm and whilst lesbian sex, may fulfill this job spec on paper, the reality is that Anorgasmia affects lesbians too.
The longer the build-up, the better the orgasm, but taking a really long time to come can take its toll physically; clitorises can become over-sensitive or numb, hands can tire, you can even start to feel kinda bored (it does happen!) all of which can affect the guarantee of an orgasm.
A vibrator, a toy that moves faster and for longer than any part of the human body, can be a launch pad to sure-fire sexual fireworks and, during partner sex, needn't feel like you've brought an over-enthusiastic third party into the bed.
Nowadays, vibes can be so small and light that they slip onto a fingertip - or tongue - to add a thrilling buzz to muff-shuffles/diving.
If orgasms are elusive, frustration, lower self esteem, lack of enthusiasm for sex and tension can follow.
A vicious cycle of “can't do it - don’t wanna do it!” is easy to fall into.
Not having sex leads to not feeling desired or desirable, which doesn't make you feel sexy and so you don’t have sex!
A vicious circle if ever there was one…
For lesbians. this can easily turn into that dearth of sapphic sexuality; lesbian bed death.
Lack of Sex-Drive Can Lead to Lesbian Bed Death
The relative lack of testosterone, the sex drive hormone, in the pairing of two women, in comparison to a man and a woman or two men, could also play a part in Lesbian Bed Death; studies seem to suggest that the female sex drive diminishes once she’s in a secure relationship of over 4 years.
Of course desire changes throughout the course of a relationship; after all you’d never build a rounded relationship if those first sex-all-the-time months went on forever!
But it’s no reason to let it go. Exploring possibilities and communicating desires keeps sex fresh and keeps lesbian bed death at bay.
Making sex dates, an often-suggested cure for Lesbian Bed Death...
But these can feel contrived and pressure-filled to perform.
To break routine is sometimes enough, especially if you live together,
Try simply making a date and seeing where it takes you. Just as a candle-lit dinner can rekindle romance, so a date in a sex shop can rekindle sex…
In the Sh! store, we've see many women on a date together; canoodling amongst our lesbian sex toys, buying a strap-on, investigating anal toys or sampling tingling lubes together, many in long-term relationships and actively sticking two fingers up at Lesbian Bed Death!