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How to Play Safely with BDSM

How to Play Safely with BDSM - Sh! Women's Store

BDSM is an umbrella term for a long list of delicious activities:  

Bondage, Domination, Sadomasochism and Masochism.

BDSM can involve as much or as little bondage, domination, or submission as you like, ranging from light bondage to a full-on dungeon scene. (A scene is two or more folks coming together to do BDSM.) 

This kind of play can be incredibly intense because it allows the submissive partner the freedom to hand over all their control to the dominant partner for the scene.

Does this sound exciting to you? Before exploring power play, there are a few rules to follow to ensure the physical and emotional safety of the peeps involved.

Trust your instincts

This is our number one piece of advice. Listen to your gut rather than your genitals. You may feel horny as hell, but if something feels unsafe, it probably is. 

Have an internal conversation about sensations you want to experience and how far you want to go in a scene. Once you know where you stand, have the same ‚Äď but verbal ‚Äď conversation with your play partner. Respect the boundaries and don‚Äôt, under any circumstances, cross them.

Agree on safe words to use within the BDSM scene

Safewords to control or stop a scene are an essential part of all BDSM play. If your play partner refuses to use safewords, make your excuses and leave. They aren't safe for you to play with. 

Always agree on one or two safe words before the scene starts, and honour them absolutely. Also, the dominant or top should have safewords in case they need to break the scene. This is the only way to ensure the physical and emotional safety of all players. 

Never use ‚Äúno‚ÄĚ or "stop‚ÄĚ as your safewords. There is a good reason for this. For example, the receiver in a spanking scene may beg the top to ‚Äústop." But really, this is part of the scene, and the spankee wants the top to spank more, more, more!

Confusing? Yeah, a little bit. Think of it as tickling - you might love and hate it simultaneously. It makes you giggle, but you also want it to stop. But you don't want it to stop, really. (That probably didn't clear it up!)

Here's a better set of BDSM safewords:

  • GREEN - having a great time, keep going!
  • YELLOW - ease up ‚Äď not ready to stop, but a bit much
  • RED - stop now

traffic lights

Regularly checking in with each other means that your scene will be consensual and sexy, even if you are playing close to your edge. 

Good communication is essential

The emotional safety of both players is just as important as physical safety. Honesty is the best policy is good advice and never more true than in a BDSM scene. 

Any BDSM scene based on power can resurrect buried feelings, especially in someone who has been abused or raped. It’s vital to communicate any no-go areas before the scene commences.

Physical Safety with BDSM Scenes

Here is some safety advice to ensure the submissive can breathe and is safe at all times.

  • Never restrict your submissives nose *and* mouth. Nose *or* mouth is ok (depending upon agreement), but never both simultaneously.
  • Never tie a submissive face down on soft furnishing. They could suffocate.¬†
  • Never leave your submissive tied up and alone. They could have a fit, a stroke, a heart attack or other medical emergency.¬†
  • Regularly check that toes and fingers aren‚Äôt numb or cold. These are signs that blood has stopped flowing to the area, and it‚Äôs time to untie.
  • Use wide, strong bonds like these¬†Wrist Cuffs¬†and¬†Ankle Cuffs. Silk scarves may seem less threatening, but they can tighten in the throws of a BDSM game. Without anyone noticing, scarves can cause pinched nerves or even permanent nerve damage. Safety first, babes!
  • Always have medical scissors handy in case you need to cut through rope or cuffs for quick release. An emergency is not the time to be precious about equipment.¬†
  • Aftercare is just as essential as negotiations ahead of a scene. What do you need? Food? Cuddles? Time alone? Prepare for what you need and communicate with your play partner.¬†
Scarves look sexy but are not safe for BDSM play

Want some information and inspiration? Browse our BDSM advice here!

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